S2.E5: Grace and Space - with Ty Hart
Free will is one of life's greatest benefits, yet so many of the choices we make are judged by others. In this episode, Kayla talks with Ty Hart about how we should follow our heart and chase our dreams, and how we should allow the space and grace for others to do that as well.
Kayla Rain (3s):
Hi there. I'm your host, Kayla rain. And welcome back to attract it with ease today. I have a very special guest with me. This is a coworker and personal friend, Ty Hart, and I'm super excited to have Thai joined me on the podcast today. So welcome, Ty, how you doing?
Ty Hart (22s):
Fantastic. How are you?
Kayla Rain (23s):
I am doing so good. And I'm so excited that we're finally getting around to recording after talking about it for so long.
Ty Hart (30s):
Absolutely.
Kayla Rain (31s):
So Ty, there's one big reason that I wanted you on the podcast today and it's a selfish reason and that's that? I think you have an amazing radio voice. That's not really the only reason, but that is a big reason. I really think the listeners are going to be like, who is this guy? So I'm excited for them to get to know you a little bit. If you're familiar with my podcast at all, then you know that I start every episode out with talking about gratitude because gratitude is truly the key that helps us bring more positive into our lives. When we focus on positivity, when we focus on being grateful for what we have, it makes it easier to attract the things that we desire.
Kayla Rain (1m 13s):
So Thai, I have asked you to come prepared with three things that you're grateful for and why. So if you would share those with us, that would be awesome.
Ty Hart (1m 23s):
Yeah, absolutely. So my three things, I think the first two are, are unique to me. And one is the first one is my grandparents very supportive. They're my best friends hanging with that. Hanging out with them all the time. We're actually going to see Dr. Strange tomorrow together. We always have like at least a weekly thing we do together. So they're awesome. Super grateful to have them in my life. Number two, I would have to say is my mental health. I've had it where I've not been in the best place before. And I think a lot of people have, so I'm happy to not, not be in a, in a bad mental health spot and I'm happy and, you know, enjoying my life.
Kayla Rain (2m 10s):
I love that. I love the acknowledgement of that because so often we only recognize our mental health when it isn't good.
Ty Hart (2m 17s):
Absolutely. Absolutely. And then I think the third one is actually just life in general, just being able to do what I want to do to have a, have my support group, have a good job, have the amenities I have. So yeah,
Kayla Rain (2m 40s):
I think that's awesome when we're going to talk about that a little bit more on today's episode. Thank you for sharing those. I think they're awesome. And I appreciate that. They're not just tangible physical things because I think sometimes when we focus on gratitude, it's so easy to say, oh, I'm grateful for my coffee or I'm grateful for, you know, my car or whatever. And I liked that thought a little bit outside of the box. So thank you for sharing that. I have a few things that I'm grateful for today. A couple of them are tangible, but the first one is magnesium supplements and that's going to sound really funny, but I recently started taking magnesium supplements and it has been life-changing in my ability to sleep through the night.
Kayla Rain (3m 20s):
And it's awesome. I take them right before bed or I take one right before bed and I am knocked out like a zombie and I've never really had sleeping issues until the last little bit as I'm getting older and my hormones are changing. I feel like I wake up more regularly through the night and the magnesium supplements have been amazing. So I'm grateful for that number two. And I'm not sure if you know this about me, Ty, but I don't think our listeners do. I used to be an extreme couponer and that's a whole other conversation for another day. I don't really do it so much, but I do follow a couple of people on the socials that sometimes list couponing deals.
Kayla Rain (4m 1s):
And yesterday I got an amazing deal on an outdoor rug for $10. And I just am so grateful to have those kinds of resources where I don't have to do the research and spend the time and energy anymore, but I'm still able to take advantage of savings and I'm super excited about a $10 rug. And then the third thing that I have today on my list is I am grateful for free will. That allows me to be able to make my own choices and decisions. And I really am grateful for that because I do know that there are countries where they have far less free will than we have in the United States.
Kayla Rain (4m 43s):
But even in those countries, everybody is able to decide their thoughts can decide their personality. And in most cases, we get to decide what we wear, how we do our hair, what we do for work, all of those kinds of things. And that's going to lead us into today's episode a little bit, but I am so, so grateful for the ability to make my own choices and kind of route my own path in life.
Ty Hart (5m 9s):
So, yeah,
Kayla Rain (5m 11s):
So that topic right there leads me into our conversation today because I wanted to talk to you about some of the choices that you have made recently two in particular that maybe were not so popular. I would, I would say that a lot of times we make choices and we have outside influences that tend to judge us for those choices. Maybe even tell us that we're wrong or try and make us feel bad or talk about us behind our back. And sometimes those things bother us. Sometimes they don't, you are pretty resilient. So I don't know that they've really bothered you, but I do want to have a little bit of that conversation today and have our listeners be able to listen in.
Kayla Rain (5m 51s):
So let's talk about your new car. So first before we tell our listeners what you're driving, tell our listeners what you used to drive.
Ty Hart (6m 4s):
Well, my last car was the Tesla model S I got it because I did some research on them and I like fast cars. So it was, it was an easy choice to go with that because it's fast. I got a really good deal on it. And of course you're not paying for gas, which I wish I still had it right now. It would have
Kayla Rain (6m 26s):
Been
Ty Hart (6m 26s):
Fantastic. But yeah, that was the last car and it was, it was great. If I ever go back to electric vehicles, I'm sure I'll do another one.
Kayla Rain (6m 34s):
Awesome. So you had a Tesla and people mostly were supportive and excited about that. At least the people that I know or that we know in common. And then you decided to sell the Tesla and you actually made a decent amount of money and were able to put some money aside, correct? Yes. So after you sold the Tesla for a while, you went without a car because you had a motorcycle and you had your grandfather's vehicle that you could borrow, but then you decided to purchase something new. So tell our listeners what your new purchases.
Ty Hart (7m 8s):
Yeah. So now I have a 2015 Chevy Corvettes and it is a 6.2 liter V8, and it's is a gas hog. And I was putting, I've had it for about two months and the amount of money I put just in the gas tank and part partly my fault because I'm just OLED foot everywhere I go, but oh, I missed the Tesla.
Kayla Rain (7m 36s):
I bet you do. But I know that we've had people at work who were very much against you making that purchase and who talked about what a bad decision it was and how you would be throwing money away and that you should be saving for your own house or that you should choose to spend your money differently. Tell me a little bit about that and how that made you feel or didn't make you feel.
Ty Hart (8m 1s):
Yeah. So I had a couple of coworkers who, when I let them know I was going to, or looking into purchasing the Corvette, I got kind of, kind of surrounded by a little bit of negativity and I don't normally let things get to me, but it was, it was really interesting how they, I guess I kind of felt attacked in a way because they, they really, they really went super aggressive on telling me that I shouldn't be purchasing this vehicle, that I should be investing it or saving it up in. And it hurt a bit because I do save a lot of money.
Ty Hart (8m 43s):
I put a lot of money away so I can have, you know, for a rainy day or for, for a future home, whatever it may be. And it was just so weird to have them people I, I care for that are friends and that I know they care for me. And I think that's where it was really coming from, but they definitely took the wrong approach.
Kayla Rain (9m 7s):
Yeah. And I think for the most part, the people giving you what they felt was good advice that they meant well, but like you said, it hurt. And at the end of the day, the decisions that you make about how to spend your money has zero effect on them. And yet they decide to have such a strong opinion about it, to the point where even now people still talk about it, how unwise that decision was. So thank you for sharing that. Now I want to move to another decision that you've recently made that kind of had the same impact on some of our coworkers. And that is your employment decisions. So you were full-time at work and you just went to part-time tell our listeners why you went part-time and what you're kind of doing with your spare time right now.
Ty Hart (9m 57s):
Yeah. So I've been at the job for a little over five years. Now. This is the longest I've ever held a job. I love the job and the company's fantastic to work for, but I have a passions. So my primary focus when I'm not at work is now YouTube, creating YouTube videos, gaming videos, something that I've done on and off for man, maybe eight or nine years just on and off. And I really want to dig my heels in, focus on it now. So going part-time 28 hours instead of 40. So it's definitely different. It is nice to kind of have more of a mental reset.
Kayla Rain (10m 41s):
So first tell me why gaming is important to you. Why you're passionate about that. And then why don't you take a little second to plug what you're doing so that those that are interested can find you and look into what you've got going on?
Ty Hart (10m 55s):
Yeah. I mean, I I've been playing video games for a very long time. It actually started at my step brother who lives in New York when we were younger, 11, 12 years old, he would visit in the summers and he, we, one summer he brought his X-Box and call of duty. And that was the first time I ever really played view video games besides like the game Boyd rate and stuff like that. And after he left, I wanted one. So that really just got me hooked and started it all. When I was like, like I said, like 11, 12, 13, then around 18 to 20 is when I started doing YouTube and streaming, you know, on and off.
Ty Hart (11m 40s):
But, but it just, it's, it's a release. You get to live in a, essentially a different world. And I don't mean that in a negative way. Like I said, I'm very happy with my life, but it's, it's cool to see stories that other people have created and play through them yourself. And then what was the second part of the question?
Kayla Rain (11m 59s):
Just how can our listeners find you if they're interested into in watching you stream or seeing what you're doing?
Ty Hart (12m 4s):
Yeah. Plug I'm not PR trained so perfect, but YouTube is a tiger is it's T, Y D as in dog, R I Z Z. That's just the YouTube channel. I'm a little over 300 subscribers right now. And I haven't posted for about two months because I've been working on a new series a to get that out. So right now I'm actually working on a Minecraft series. So if anybody likes Minecraft feel free.
Kayla Rain (12m 35s):
Awesome. So now that we've kind of talked about the gaming, tell us a little bit about the reaction that you received from various people at work, in response to you choosing to go part-time in order to pursue that passion.
Ty Hart (12m 52s):
I think most of my coworkers were understanding about it. They understood that I had a different passion that I wanted to do. There were a few, and I think it was actually a few more, more the older guys that just don't understand video games, which is perfectly fine, you know? And when they grew up, they weren't playing video. They weren't sitting inside playing video games usually. So I completely understand that the take on it. I did have one person actually genuinely laugh at me instead of laughing with me. Yeah. That was, that was a little shocking. I was like, oh, okay. You really think it's kind of a joke and you know, again kind of hurt a little bit, but I got over it.
Ty Hart (13m 36s):
They others, a couple of people who just, who chastised me for it, I guess where, like you said a decision that's not affecting them in any way.
Kayla Rain (13m 44s):
Yeah, absolutely. So one of the reasons, and this is truly, the other reason that I wanted you on the podcast was to be able to have this conversation, but also because the fact that you had all of this outside negativity for the things that you were wanting to do, and that you're super passionate about whether it was the car or it's the choosing to spend more time gaming or cutting back on your hours, right after purchasing this expensive vehicle and so forth. I think it's super inspiring that you kind of push that out and followed your heart, followed your passion, pursuing your dreams, even though there's so many outside influences telling you that that's probably not the right decision for you.
Kayla Rain (14m 31s):
I think most people wish they had the courage to step forward towards their dreams to do something like cut back to part-time to pursue a passion. And I think most people don't actually ever take that step. So I think that's super inspiring. And I think there will be people that listen to this that are really I'm impressed that you had that within you. So I know you personally, so our listeners don't know you like I do, but I know you're kind of one of those people that in general construct things off pretty easily, but I don't think the average person is like that. Was there ever a time that you've questioned either of those two decisions, either buying the Corvette or choosing to cut back to part-time and pursue your passion?
Ty Hart (15m 20s):
Not yet, There may potentially be, but I will say that my support system being mainly my grandparents is a huge reason why I'm able to do it. I can understand why some people don't take the leap when they look at their finances or whatnot. I mean, the state of everything today, rent is insane. In most places, gas prices, you have to have a car and most people don't own their car out. Right? So I definitely understand where people either can't make the financial decision to just jump into video.
Ty Hart (16m 2s):
But I do think that they need to, if you have something you love and you want to do it, and you want to be your own boss, take small steps towards it. Like I said, I've been doing the gaming thing on and off for so long and I'd never fully jumped into it. And I think going part-time has really allowed me to focus more on the time that I'm not about my day job to really just create the best content I can to get the editing done. I think if you have a good support system and you'll be good, if you don't have a support system, you don't have may, maybe not a lot of family, not a lot of friends, just take small steps, just small steps to go towards your goal.
Ty Hart (16m 45s):
Don't you don't go home from work. I know you're tired, stressed me when I get home from work. I'm tired, but, but it's just like going to the gym, you know, just, just small steps. And eventually you'll be able to, to take bigger steps, take leaps.
Kayla Rain (17m 0s):
I think that's awesome advice. I actually read something just today that I'm paraphrasing, but said something along the lines of sometimes it's not a matter of what you do or there's maybe not a right or wrong thing to do, but simply by taking action, it allows the universe to start aligning things and bringing the next step in front of you. And so I think that's awesome that you're saying like, just do what you can, you know, maybe it's not quit your job or cut back to part-time today, but work on it, focus on it. Don't give up on the dream and eventually those opportunities will come. So I think that's awesome. Thank you. So we're talking a little bit about following our hearts desires.
Kayla Rain (17m 43s):
These are big decisions. I would say that you have shared with us, but I think there's other things in life. Whether how we choose to cut our hair or things that we choose to wear or how we spend our money, where people tend to judge us. Tell me if you would about some of the areas in your life, in just your whole life, where you feel you've had people judge you for who you are or choices that you've made.
Ty Hart (18m 10s):
Yeah. Well, I, I will start by saying that I've not always had thick skin. I, I had a point. I mean, I mean, I guess it was within the last five years that I really grown into. I don't really care what other people think of me besides the people I love. So my grandparents, I absolutely care what they think of me. I want them to approve of me, you know, but everybody else, I mean, I know most of my, my friends don't think negative of negative of me, but even if they did, you know, it's honestly their opinion doesn't really matter that much to me.
Ty Hart (18m 57s):
And I, I it's, it sounds harsh when you really put it into words, but if I live the, I live life of, you know, it is what it is. If something happens and it happened, you know, now, now that it has happened, I can't do anything to change it. So I let things kind of roll, roll off my skin. But yeah, I mean, I used to, I used to be a little bit more sensitive about stuff. I think a way to put my personality, how it used to be into perspective is that, you know how, when you're in a relationship, especially in high school, you get jealous of little things. Right? So I had that type of personality.
Ty Hart (19m 38s):
I was jealous. I probably ended a few relationships because, you know, I was like, no, I don't like that. You have guy friends, that type of thing. And, and I don't, I'm not like that anymore. I, I can look back on that and go, wow, that was horrible. A little bit controlling, that type of thing. So now it's more of a, you know, I, I let everything just come as it is. And I mean, I haven't had a relationship for about five years. I haven't been looking so, but I'm pretty sure I'm
Kayla Rain (20m 9s):
Not
Ty Hart (20m 11s):
Single, but yeah, I don't, I'm pretty sure I'm not like that anymore. I just, it is what it is. Yeah, yeah.
Kayla Rain (20m 19s):
Yeah. So the, where I'm trying to go with this conversation is that I think each of us individually, individually want the ability to make our own decisions, be who we want to be, follow our passions, dress the way we want look, the way that we want spend our money, the way that we want spend our time, the way that we want. And we don't want to be judged for those decisions, especially by the people that surround us and care about us or that are in our sphere of influence, but anything can be hurtful, even if it comes from a stranger. And the irony of this situation is we all individually feel that yet as a society, we have a tendency to judge others.
Kayla Rain (21m 6s):
And I've been thinking a lot just about some of the conversations that we have at work, because we often get really interesting folks that come through the front door, whether they talk funny or walk funny or dressed and appropriately, or for example, we had somebody the other day that, you know, was so-called psychic. I don't know if they were a psychic, but it was, we had some pretty humorous conversations about this person. And I've had quite a few conversations just in my own personal life, whether at work or outside of work where they've been super judgmental. For example, I just had a discussion with my husband, Dan last night about someone that he knows who is in his mid to late thirties, who has been dating a 21 year old and ended up getting her pregnant.
Kayla Rain (21m 59s):
And we had a conversation about his opinion of that. And you know, of course, he's looking for me to jump on the bandwagon and, and throw shade essentially. And, and kind of say that I think that that's wrong and that, you know, it's inappropriate and all of these things. And probably even a month ago, I would have engaged in that conversation with him. But I've been thinking about this topic and working on it personally so much recently that he didn't get the response that he wanted from me. I basically said, yeah, I don't really, I wouldn't make the same decisions as him. I don't necessarily agree with his decisions, but I can't judge him for that.
Kayla Rain (22m 41s):
Because if I were in that situation, I wouldn't want to be judged either. And I think that that's something that as a society where we're raised to, to, to judge people and oftentimes we're coming from a place of thinking we know better or trying to give good advice, but other times we're just mean and critical and downright like rude when we, you know, laugh at somebody behind their back. So Ty, tell me about some ways that you, and you don't have to give real specifics, but some, some things you can think of that you've maybe made fun of others recently, like things you might've kind of nitpicked about.
Ty Hart (23m 25s):
So yeah. I mean, I, I can't give specifics. I think, I guess first there's two things I would, I would like to respond to that with is agreed. We do are kind of raised to judge people or, or judge people when they live a different way than us. And I'm guilty of it all the time. I look at somebody and go, okay, that's not my style. Yeah. And I think that, that comes back to if that 21 year old, who is pregnant, if she's worried about getting judged, I can completely understand, but I have that mindset of, well, I don't care what you think.
Ty Hart (24m 7s):
Yeah. I would love to see more people adopt that mindset, but I had a coworker who has, she always has her hair back, you know, who I'm talking about. She always has her hair back. And then sometimes her hairs will kind of get kind of Flay everywhere. And I, I told her, I said, Hey, your hair is kind of going everywhere. It doesn't look professional. And I, I know what I want to say. And it doesn't always come out nice. But I, I essentially say what's on my mind. Yes. I could probably word stuff a little bit differently. Good news is we're friends.
Ty Hart (24m 46s):
So even though I, she I'm pretty sure she did take offense to it. She didn't hold a grudge over it. She let me know that she didn't like what I said, but the one thing I do want to say about that is I am not repented because she, she, she, she generally now, unless she's had a very frazzled day, keeps her hair in line, which I think looks great for the job we're doing rather than having to go everywhere. You know, I just end. That's just a personal opinion. Whenever I get into a discussion or a debate with somebody, I will say exactly, what's on my mind, but I also don't have, or don't mind admitting when I'm wrong and changing my answer or decisions.
Ty Hart (25m 36s):
So I have another coworker who will, we'll talk about, I guess, deeper things. And I'll say my thing, she'll say her thing. And sometimes she'll completely change my mind. I think a lot of people have trouble admitting when they're wrong or wanting to change their mind. And I have no problem with that. So that's something that I think a lot of people should see to.
Kayla Rain (25m 58s):
Yeah, I think that's awesome. And I think what is maybe different than you and most people is at least from my experience and what I know about you, and also what you just said is generally when you think something, you say it directly to that person. So unless it's a complete stranger, rarely are you the type of person to kind of gossip about someone behind their back? Because if you're thinking something, whether it's nice or not, you typically will let the person know what you're thinking. I do think the general public tends more to love drama and be gossipy and talk about people behind their back and wants to dish about, you know, whatever's going on.
Kayla Rain (26m 39s):
I was thinking about a situation with another one of our coworkers who recently purchased a dog and how the whole situation or the story, because he was originally a purchasing a dog from someone off Craigslist, and then it didn't work out. He kind of got scammed. And then he on a whim, bought another dog and we all had strong opinions about the whole situation. And at the end of the day, it doesn't affect any of us. We don't have to do anything about said dog. And, you know, he seems to be now in a better place and happy and training this little puppy that he's enjoying, spending time with. But as we were watching him go through the situation, most of us knew he was likely being scammed.
Kayla Rain (27m 23s):
And so I think we were coming from a good place in wanting him not to be taken advantage of, but we also had very strong, negative opinions about some of those decisions that he was making. And then when he did not get the original dog and just rush to buy another one, we had strong opinions about that as well, because it was, we felt like, oh, he's just settling. And he's just, you know, making a rash decision. And, and I think most of us felt like that was a poor decision. And at the end of the day, like I said, none of it really affects us. None of it really matters. And yet we felt like we should have some input on how he was choosing to live his life. And I think we have those kinds of situations daily, whether it's at work or in our personal lives, where we have opportunities to, to judge others.
Kayla Rain (28m 10s):
There's someone in my life that is very close to me that is struggling with their gender identity. And I don't know specifics about how this person is being treated outside of my own personal experiences, but I know how difficult it probably is to go through something like that. And how much of the world would not be understanding if somebody wanted to change their identity or change their gender, or maybe didn't even know what they wanted, you know, to, to say, well, I don't know. I don't know if I feel male or I feel female. I don't really identify with either one and I don't want to be either one necessarily.
Kayla Rain (28m 53s):
And then, you know how people feel about that whole conversation. And we don't have to get into the specifics about how you feel or how anyone feels. But I just think that there's so many things in life where we all as individuals want the opportunity to make the decisions that will lead us to what we think would be the happiest and yet innocent bystanders that it doesn't affect want to give their input, want to give their opinion on that. And for the most part, it doesn't really impact those people, but it tends to be a conversation that we have any thoughts you want to give on that?
Ty Hart (29m 33s):
I don't, I guess it's because of how I, how I treat things, but I don't see an issue giving your opinion as an outside source, even if it's not asked for, I honestly don't see an issue with that because I do it all the time. And I think, I do think most of the time it is not taken well when that happens. But I think when you get that outside opinion, just a third party perspective, that's not in the situation. It can, it can help you realize some things like when we're talking about the car and the coworker is kind of how I said, I felt attacked. They just came very aggressively at me.
Ty Hart (30m 16s):
And even to where they're just raising their voice again about something that's not affecting them. I am more than happy to sit down with those guys and talk with them in a non-aggressive manner. And they can tell me their input. And maybe if it wasn't in a non-aggressive matter, maybe I wouldn't have bought the car. Maybe one of them could have showed me how to, and what to invest in that would have made me more money, but that's not how they approached it. So I just think it's probably how you approach it. I think when I give my input, I don't think generally it's in a aggressive manner. I think it's usually pretty passive. I'm just saying what's coming to mind.
Ty Hart (30m 56s):
It's not, oh my God, your hair looks horrible. Like, I'm pretty sure what I had initially said to her in that situation was, Hey, your hair is going to everywhere. It doesn't look professional. And I think that's pretty passive for the most part, not really aggressive. And, and she could have definitely taken it aggressively. So I don't think it's a bad thing to have outside input. I just think it's how you state it. And then where you, where the person getting the inputs, mental attitude is with receiving it.
Kayla Rain (31m 27s):
Yeah. I think you hit on a real key thing there, which is about the way that people approach it, because you could give your opinion and say, I think X, Y, Z, or you could just stay to as no, that's wrong. And I think a lot of times that's how feedback comes across is no you're wrong. No, you don't. No, you don't have as much life experience. You'll see. You'll regret that those are the kinds of statements that people make or say instead of coming from a place of caring or support where it's, Hey, I really think that that's a bad decision and here's why. And so there's, there are two ways of looking at it. You know, I've been reading a book, it's called think like a monk by Jay Shetty.
Kayla Rain (32m 13s):
And Jay Shetty is a man who lived as a monk for 10 years and then left because his mentor felt that he would have a bigger impact on the world by teaching them what he had learned as a monk than by continuing to live as a monk. And I have gotten so many good pieces and nuggets of information that I feel directly relate to the law of attraction, but I wrote something down today and something I read the other night that says saying what we want whenever we want. However we want is not freedom. Real freedom is not feeling the need to say those things.
Kayla Rain (32m 53s):
And I don't think it's so much in giving feedback the way that you said or expressing opinions, but I think it's in relation to the gossip in relation to feeling like we need to make fun of someone because of the way they talk. If they have a list or, you know, a disability, or if they're maybe not mentally stable, it's real easy to want to make fun of those people. But then I think in turn, just like I said, real freedom is, is not being able to say what we want when we want it's, you know, not needing to say those things. I think it's also, it could be said that real freedom is not caring when people say those things, you know, not needing to have validation, not needing to be what everyone else expects or wants, and just being able to be comfortable with our decisions and our choices and our lives.
Kayla Rain (33m 46s):
And even the author of this book, Jay Shetty talks about how he was in college and graduating and was expected to, you know, have some big, amazing career. And when he left college, he decided he was going to be come a monk and how disappointed his parents were and how upsetting everyone. His, his decision was to the people in his lives. Everyone felt like he was throwing away all of this money and this time and this education to go do something that they didn't understand, it didn't approve of and how he had to find it within himself to, to chase this passion and chase his dreams. So I want to kind of spin the conversation in just a little bit new direction.
Kayla Rain (34m 28s):
Now, before we wrap things up and I want to talk about, as we're talking about judging others, I want to talk about how we have a tendency to also judge ourselves and self judgment and how easily it is for us to have negative. Self-talk the way that we would about someone else. So Ty, whatever you feel comfortable sharing, can you tell me some of the ways that you have, or currently do judge yourself?
Ty Hart (34m 58s):
I think Greg, I think the only way I currently do it myself is just by my physical health. So I'm been trying to go to the gym more. I'm definitely not anywhere close to in good shape. And I want to change that because I have been in good shape before. And I just, somewhere along the line got lost and every morning I look at myself and I go, wow, this is not where I want to be. So, so it's for me now, it's just the, the grind on getting to the gym and pairing that up with my day job. And then now my YouTube stuff.
Ty Hart (35m 40s):
But I think that's the only way to judge myself. There's no other way. I mean, yeah, I don't judge myself by money or by any attention I get, it's just, I think right now, just my physical health. Yeah.
Kayla Rain (35m 56s):
Yeah. Well, I think that's a good place to be. I don't think the majority of people have so few judgments of themselves. I was trying to make a list of things that I currently judge myself about or have in my past. And I think my appearance and my weight is the biggest, especially as I'm aging everyday, I look in the mirror and I see how I'm getting wrinkled and you know, how it's harder for me to stay in shape. And I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight. And that is not the case anymore. Now it seems like I eat anything and I bloated and don't feel good. And, and so that's an area that I consistently judge myself on, but I've also in my past judged myself by comparison, comparing myself to others, maybe peers in the same role who advanced faster than I did or who had what I felt better skills in certain areas that I wasn't as strong in, even judging myself for past decisions that I've made or who I was in my past.
Kayla Rain (36m 57s):
You know, I think back to some of the things that I did or the way that I behaved when I was 20, even the parents that I have been at times to my own child. And I sometimes have a hard time forgiving myself for decisions that I've made or who I was in a past life, even though I'm no longer that person, I still see things that I would go back and do differently if I had the opportunity. And I think that's where self judgment comes in. And this particular episode, I want to title grace and space because I feel like giving people the grace to be what they want to be to live, how they want to live, to do what they want to do, and also giving them the space to do that is really what we should be searching for.
Kayla Rain (37m 47s):
But I think it's important to not just give grace and space to others, but to also be willing to give that grace and space to ourselves, learn to forgive ourselves, learn to except decisions that we have made or are making and not just have the attitude of, you know, I'm going to chase my dreams. Now I'm going to fix everything now, but also just be accepting of where we are because everything is in motion. Nothing stays the same. You know, we, we age we change our lives are constantly evolving. So when we are taking a moment in time, a snapshot and we're throwing judgment at it, it literally is just a snapshot in time.
Kayla Rain (38m 30s):
And, and everything will be different a day from now a week from now a year from now and was in our past as well. And so I really wanted to kind of talk about being able to give grace and space to ourselves and to others. Do you have any thoughts or, or feedback on that idea?
Ty Hart (38m 48s):
Yeah. I mean, I completely agree. You, you have to give yourself a chance. A lot of people don't give themselves the chance to do whatever it is they want to do. You don't have to work for somebody else for the rest of your life. If you don't want to, you know, you, you don't have to, I don't know, make your family happy just as a, your family. You know, there's a, there's a bunch of, bunch of things. Just give yourself the chance to do something. I did want to say one thing on the, the, the freedom and saying whatever, whatever you want that you were, that you were touching on.
Ty Hart (39m 28s):
Yeah. I think a lot of, especially younger people or people my age and younger need to need to hear that, not caring, what other people think is completely different than just being a jerk. And I think that's what, we're what you're saying. You shouldn't say something to be malicious. That's not, that's not, not caring what somebody thinks. That's you intentionally being malicious, not caring. What somebody thinks is. I mean, you can give your opinion as somebody says, I don't like that, then that's fine. Or if somebody gives their opinion of you just not caring, it's fine. But specifically saying something to be going to licious is not, not caring what people think.
Ty Hart (40m 10s):
I think a lot of the younger folks think that they can just say whatever they want because they quote unquote don't care what anybody thinks. That's not what that is.
Kayla Rain (40m 18s):
Yeah. And you know, maybe they don't care what somebody thinks, but the person that they're speaking about very well may care. And, you know, I don't think anyone goes about life intending to be malicious or intending to be mean or a bad person. I don't think we ever get out of bed. And our intention is to ruin people's days yet. Sometimes the choices that we make, the things that we say, the judgments that we have do exactly that we can have a positive impact on somebody's life, or we can have a negative impact just by how we choose to interact and how we choose to deliver our opinions or messages. And sometimes, you know, the whole adage of, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all as, as a positive thing.
Ty Hart (41m 3s):
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I should learn from that for sure.
Kayla Rain (41m 7s):
Well, I think I want to wrap up at this point, Ty, unless you have anything you want to add, I always end every podcast episode with what I call an action item, because I think it's important to talk about ways that we can improve our lives. But sometimes it's easy to talk about a concept and it's a whole other thing to figure out or understand how can I best apply that concept to my life? How can I make change today? So every episode I include an action item for our listeners. Something simple that they can try or implement into their life today to see instant growth in the area that we've discussed. So today's action item is to keep track of your judgmental thoughts for one day.
Kayla Rain (41m 50s):
So that would be thoughts about others or yourself. Just anytime you kind of have a negative where you would kind of almost make fun of somebody and it's not even necessarily something you've said is something you're thinking, keep track of those. And every time you have that judgmental thought, try and then not necessarily replace it, but think of something positive about that person that you can equate it with. And what I mean is that is much negative that you could say about any individual on this planet, ourselves or anyone. We know we can probably nitpick and pinpoint all of their flaws, but what we generally don't do is recognize how many positive things that person does have in spite of those flaws, ourselves included.
Kayla Rain (42m 39s):
So you could look at someone and be like, oh my gosh, they have an awful haircut. Or, you know, they, I don't know, made a poor decision for how, you know, they spent their lunch money, whatever the decision is, but we can also look at it. And, and usually just by flipping our mindset, find something positive to think about that person, even when it's ourselves like, okay, maybe I'm not the weight that I want to be, or maybe I don't look the way that I want to look, but I have a genuinely good heart and I try and seek out the positives in people. And just by acknowledging that positive statement about myself almost gives balance to the universe. Almost negates the negative thought that you said, because you've added it with a positive thought and it now brings us back to a level playing field instead of just feeling like that person is bad or they've, you know, it kind of removes the negativity by adding something positive.
Kayla Rain (43m 33s):
Do you have anything to say about that time?
Ty Hart (43m 37s):
I think, just think before you speak is always the best adage, right? I like it we've discussed. I, I, if it's on my mind that genuinely say it and I personally am not trying to be harmful to anybody when I, when I say it and sometimes it can be taken as such. So that's something I should, I should do as well as think before I speak or, or reword what I'm going to say. If I'm going to say it anyways, because knowing me, I'm probably, I'm gonna say it anyways. Maybe I can, maybe I can have it come across as maybe more constructive, rather than harmful. So yeah, I think before you speak
Kayla Rain (44m 15s):
Awesome. I love that. And I love having you on the podcast today. I'm just going to wrap up with one little tidbit of season. One of the podcast. I did a giveaway where every person that left a review of the podcast was entered into a drawing. And I have changed the drawing for season two. So I just have started talking about this, but Ty, I don't think you even know. I have created a manifestation journal. It's completely different than your typical manifestation journal in the sense that this is designed almost as a scrapbook, where you set your intentions, you put out to the universe, what you want, you write out your thoughts about it.
Kayla Rain (44m 55s):
And then it also has a date for you to write when it was accomplished, your thoughts and feelings about it. And then also post a photo of that item or that experience or that achievement so that you can reflect back on it. So that is the giveaway. So listeners, if you leave a review on the podcast on any review platform, you can do that on many of them like apple podcasts, Spotify, we'll let you leave a star review, but I won't know who you are. It doesn't let you put your name on it. So I believe audible, Amazon music, pod chaser, any platform that allows you to leave a review each week, I'll collect those reviews and draw a name.
Kayla Rain (45m 37s):
And I'll tell you some weeks I only get one review. So that makes you an instant winner. If you're in the U S or Canada, I'll pay for the shipping for the journal to ship to you for free outside of the U S we'll work it out between us, but please subscribe and listen. We have lots of good con content coming for the rest of season two Thai. I am so happy that you decided to be a guest and for your insights and input today. Thank you so much for joining us.
Ty Hart (46m 4s):
Thank you so much for having me. If you ever want me again, just let me know.
Kayla Rain (46m 8s):
I am sure I will. Thank you so much. And I'll talk with you soon. Have a wonderful day.
Ty Hart (46m 12s):
You too.
Kayla Rain (46m 13s):
Bye-bye.
