S2.E4: Five Years to Live
How would it feel to be told you have only five years to live? What would you differently today, and what pieces of the "Human Experience" would you miss once you're gone? In this episode Kayla speaks candidly about her thoughts on a 5 year prognosis.
I'm just the girl next door, who believes that the purpose of life is to enjoy, create and have fun. I believe that as humans, we can have anything we want and things are always working out for us. Experience has taught me that the path to getting everything begins with ease. If you believe in miracles and happily ever after, or even if you just want to, then this is the podcast for you.
Hi there. I'm your host, Kayla rein. And welcome back to attract it with ease. I have a very emotional topic to share with you today, and I apologize in advance. If I get emotional in this recording, I don't know if I will or I won't, but I'm really passionate and inspired to talk to you about this particular subject. But before we get into that, I want to start with gratitude. So as usual, let me be in there.
The first thing I'm grateful for today is music. And you may not know this about me, but I have a tendency to spend and unusual amount of time alone with my thoughts, meaning I almost never have background noise. I almost never listened to music even when I'm alone in the car and it's not because I don't love music. It's just that I really love being alone with my thoughts. I love the time that I have to myself to be able to organize my thinking, to find inspiration and to work on self-improvement.
But when I do listen to music, I am so grateful for it. And yesterday I listened to music for several hours while I was on a nature walk, which I'll talk about later in this episode, but it felt so good. It felt so good to listen to some music that I love and appreciate. And you know, music really just helps shift our energy. It can raise our mood, it can increase our vibration, and there are so many wonderful, talented artists out there who have made wonderful creative music for us.
And I'm so grateful for that and that peace in my life. The next thing that I'm grateful for today is the internet. And I've probably said that before, but I think the internet is amazing. I think it's wonderful that if there's anything that I want to know how to do or any question that I have, I can literally get online and find an answer. I have self-taught myself, a lot of things, everything from extreme couponing to how to record and release a podcast.
I'm now trying to learn how to do stain glass. I just think the internet is so amazing. It's such a wonderful tool. It's hard to believe that there was a time that it didn't exist. There was definitely a time in my life that it didn't exist. It just continues to get better and better. And I'm so grateful for that resource and the availability of knowledge that's available on the internet. And the third thing that I'm grateful for today is inspiration. I have actually been asking the universe for inspiration for a while.
Now. I don't think I've really talked about this yet, but coming off of the pandemic, I have been in a slump. I had been in a slump and some of that was the winter blues, but some of that was being cooped up inside and just really feeling like what's the point in life. And that's, that's honestly not really like me, but I was going through this stage for several months where I just felt like there was no point that, you know, use this phrase a lot, but that I was stuck on the hamster wheel.
That's that every day was the same day after day after day. And it was kind of like, are we really just here to live, work, pay bills and die? And I don't believe that at all, but I think I've just lacked motivation. I've lacked adventure and fun in my life. And so I've recognized that and wanted to pull myself out of that mental Headspace. And so I've been asking the universe for some answers, I've been asking for inspiration.
I am typically a very goal driven person and I love to be working towards something. I love to learn new things. And I've been asking the universe to please guide me towards the next project. Please guide me towards the things that will make me feel more, more fulfilled in life. And just last week I used my angel cards, which I've mentioned on a prior podcast. They're not really like taro cards, but essentially it's a deck of cards that have messages from your angels, which I actually don't really believe in angels.
So that's kind of ironic that I use them, but I do believe that the universe can communicate with us in a number of ways. And so to me, this is a way to communicate with the universe. And so when I use my angel cards, I often just ask a question and this time I said, what does the universe want me to know today? Or what do my angels want me to know today? And then I shuffle the deck and I pull a couple of cards. And the three cards that I polled last week, the first one was something along the lines of the time is ripe. And there's like a little book that comes along with the cards that helps explain their meaning.
But it said like the thing that you've been like searching for, the thing that you've been working towards now is the time don't wait, don't delay, move forward. You'll receive the help that you need. But basically like now is the time the second card that I pulled was the ocean card. And I found that one pretty interesting because Dan and I are going to the ocean on our vacation next month. And I have definitely been feeling like I could use some time next to the water.
And that card essentially said, yes, you do. You need some time. Next is the water next to the ocean. And then the third card that I pulled was ask and ask, basically says, ask your angels for help, whatever it is, that's troubling you, whatever it is this bothering you ask for help. If there's something you're trying to accomplish, ask for resources, the, your angels or the universe can bring you everything that you're asking for. And honestly, it was just a great reminder, but pulling that card, I did ask, I asked again for inspiration and I have to say that the last week has been like crazy, powerful, crazy inspirational.
And those that believe in astrology would say, oh, it was the eclipse. And it was the full moon. And it was all of these things. And maybe that had something to do with it too. I'm not opposed to those concepts, but I definitely believe that I've asked the universe for inspiration. And I have been inspired with a lot of thoughts and a lot of ideas, both about some things I can do. Business-wise some concepts to work on for self-development and self-improvement as well as some topics for the podcast. And that leads me, leads me to today's episode.
So the other night I was laying in bed and my husband, Dan has a tendency to fall asleep way before me. He gets up before me and he falls asleep before me. So when he's sleeping, because we live in a tiny house, I usually just lay there and think until I can fall asleep. And it's a great time for me to focus on gratitude. So I often sit and I reflect on my day and I think about what I appreciate and the good things that I'm experiencing. I usually think about how soft my bed is and how wonderful my thousand thread count sheets fill.
And I love my pillow and I kind of start with those thoughts, but then I kind of circle out and really get into feeling gratitude for whatever reason. The other night, when I was laying there thinking about my gratitude, for some reason, the thought of my age popped in my head. I don't know if I've actually said my age on the podcast yet, but I'm 44 years old. And I don't know why I thought about that in that moment, but I, I did think about that. And often when I think about my age, I instantly think about my mother.
Now, my mother passed away in the year 2000 and when she passed away, she was 49 years old. Yes, 49. And my mom actually passed away from a terminal cancer called multiple myeloma. It's a bone marrow cancer. And the best way to describe it is it's really similar to leukemia, but it is terminal. And it was very rare back then when my mom was diagnosed, it's still pretty rare, but I know a few people that have been diagnosed with it since unfortunately in any case, my mom was 49 when she died.
So when I think about my age and the fact that I'm 45, I always kind of go to the thought of my mom was only 49 when she died and how crazy it would be if I died at 49. And I don't have that thought to try and attract that by any means. But I often have that thought because it puts life into perspective. You know, I often use the phrase Yolo, like you only live once and people hate that cause it's so not trendy to say anymore.
But I do. I say that because I, I often think about how short life is and how none of us know when we're going to die and how long we have. But as I laid there thinking about the fact that I'm 44 and my mom died when she was 49. I thought about the fact that, oh my gosh, that's five years from now, five years. And I have to admit, I've had that thought a number of other times before, but for whatever reason, that thought really sat with me that evening.
And as I thought about what my mother went through with her cancer and her experience, when my mother was first diagnosed with her cancer, they didn't think she was going to make it. She was so ill and she was in the hospital for so long. They didn't think she would survive, but she ended up kind of turning things around and, and getting better at that point. And they gave her a diagnosis of five years. They expected that she would probably live five years and it turned out that she lived seven, which was a huge blessing for us and for her.
So she did live longer than five years. But before the other evening, I never really thought about what it would feel like to be told that you only have five years left to live. I mean, can you even imagine I have a hard time even wrapping my head around it. And this is, this is where I start to get emotional because I kind of feel bad that I've never really considered what my mom went through.
Being told that, you know, imagine being told you have five years to live. So that's what I want to talk about today. I wanna talk about how your life would be different. If you were told you only have five years to live and you know, there's plenty of people who they don't get any warning. They don't get any time. People who die tragically and there was no warning. And then there's other people who also die of serious terminal illnesses who are given less time, you know, six months a year.
And those are equally just saddening, scary circumstances to be in. But because my mom's experience was five years and because I'm five years away from the age that my mom was when she passed away, I want to work with that concept. I want to talk about what it would feel like to be told you only have five years to live. And as I was laying in bed, having that thought, I started thinking about the times in my life that I have had suicidal thoughts.
And I've talked about that on prior episodes. If you're not familiar with that, you can go back to episode eight from season one. And I addressed some of that there, but I definitely have gone through periods of my life where I have been suicidal. And that being said, my thoughts are really what pulled me out of that. Being able to overcome my thoughts and give myself just another shot another day. But one of the things that I used to think about was, you know, what does life look like after this experience?
And I say experience because I, I feel like on earth, we are in the human experience. And what I mean by that is I do believe in life after death. I was raised to believe that religiously, but I just, that thought resonates with me. And, you know, ever since my mom has passed away, you know, this year will be 22 years. It was a long time ago. There are times in my life when I definitely still feel my mom's energy, my mom's presence. When I feel like she's giving me messages or she's with me.
And, and I just don't see how that would be possible if there isn't something after this life, but I don't fully believe in reincarnation. That's a whole other conversation. I, I guess I'm open to the idea that people would have the option to reincarnate if they wanted to, but that's not really what this podcast is about. My thoughts are that once we leave this life, once we die and we pass away, I do believe that we exist in some sort of way, just not in human form.
So going back to those suicidal thoughts, I used to think to myself, if I gave up, now, if I died today, what would I miss about the human experience? And as I thought about my mom's situation and being given five years to live, I thought, what would I miss about the human experience? What would be the things from this life that when I no longer had them, I would miss the most.
And then, you know, it made me really emotional. I think, you know, I, I figured this conversation was gonna make me emotional and I, again, but it makes me emotional because I wonder, I wonder if my mom does miss things. And I don't just mean like us, me, our relationship. I mean, like just experiences and things we take for granted as humans. And it made me want to make a list, an ongoing list of things that I appreciate about this life.
Things that I absolutely will miss when I'm no longer in this body, when I'm no longer in this life, what are the things I would miss about the human experience? And I'm just going to list off some things that have come to mind. Obviously there's like countless others and this'll be a forever growing list for me. I'm sure. But just off the top of my head, here are some of the things that I know for certain I would miss. I would miss certain smells, you know, the smell of fresh baked cookies.
I think everybody loves that. The smell of fresh popcorn, like movie popcorn. I love that. Smell the smell of my husband's cologne. I can almost smell it right now. Like every time he puts on, I just tell him, oh my gosh, he smells so yummy. The smell of fresh cut grass. I don't know if everybody likes that smell, but I absolutely do the smell of the pavement after a rainstorm. I love the smell of the rain.
It is one of those things that's kind of indescribable, but I just have a hard time believing that once I'm not here, that I won't miss that, that I won't sit there and wish that I could experience that one more time. So you may not know this about me, but my husband will tell you that I have a crazy obsession with trees. And I do. I don't know why. I just feel so drawn to trees. Like, like you're going to laugh, but it makes, it makes me emotional.
I, I feel so connected to trees. And you know, when I think about trees, I think about how great it feels to sit under the shade of a tree on a hot summer day. You know, you're like sweating in the sun and to be able to go sit under the tree and maybe have some breeze, you know, this is a fabulous feeling, the sound of the leaves blowing through the trees. I love that sound. And as crazy as this sounds because it's, it's hard to describe.
I love the way the wind sounds and pine trees. They don't have leaves. And so it's a whole different sound. It's like a whooshing sound and oh, if you've never paid attention, next time you're in the forest. If you're camping, or if you're in an area that has like multiple pine trees, just stop for a second and listen to the way the wind sounds in the trees. I just think it's amazing. You know, there's a piece I feel when I'm around trees, when I'm in the forest, a lot of people are afraid of the forest.
And it's funny because in fairytales and stuff, this forest is always a scary place. I think it's the darkness and the unknown of what's out there and how easily creatures or people could hide. But I think forests are magical. I love the forest. I love being in the trees. I love the Redwood forest and the mud, the majesty of these giant, just huge, super old trees. You know, they make me feel so small and you're going to start thinking I'm just a baby.
And I cry all the time and maybe that's true. But the last time I went to the Redwood forest, literally just driving up there, the minute that we drove into our first Grove of trees, like just tears were flooding down my face because it just was so overwhelming that piece, I feel like trees have wisdom. And I don't mean to turn this whole podcast into trees, but I'm just trying to show you how many things we take for granted. And these are the things that I know I would miss.
I would miss those trees. I would miss the ancient bristle pine forest. It's in California. There's some of the oldest trees in the world. There are anywhere from three to 5,000 years old. And my husband and I have visited there a couple of times. And it's one of my favorite places on earth. It just feels so sacred. I will miss that. You know, I'll miss the peace and the quiet of early morning, the beauty of watching the sun come up.
But I don't know if I've ever mentioned this on the podcast, but I think sunrises are so special. I mean, yes, I will admit often sunsets are far more beautiful than sunrises and sunsets usually lasts longer, but there's something so special about a sunrise because when the sun comes up, especially in certain times of years when it's early or certain times of the year, when it's earlier in the morning that the sun rises, I feel like so much of the world is still asleep.
So if you're awake, things are quiet. Things are peaceful. There's not a whole lot of movement around aside from nature, aside from animals. And so there, there's just a quiet and calm with the sunrise. It's also when they choose to fly hot air balloons because there's less wind at sunrise. And so when I think about the sunrise, I've always felt like it's such a special time of day. And the few times I say for you, it's spent a lot, but it's not daily the few times in my life that I've been able to watch the sunrise.
I really feel like the sun is rising for me. I feel like when the sky pops off, I feel like it's doing it for me. And the reason I feel that is I really feel like there's hardly anyone else watching this, right? The sun is just showing off for me because even some people are, are awake when the sun is rising, but that doesn't mean that they're actually outside watching it. So when I'm watching it, I feel like the sun is rising for me. And I will miss that. I'll miss the soft golden glow that comes just before sunset.
The golden hour is what they call it. My husband's a professional photographer. And if you're a photographer, you love shooting in golden hour because everything looks amazing. Everything is has like this just soft, gorgeous light. And the reason it's called golden hour is that the sun is low enough in the sky that it's coming at. You coming at anything that you're photographing at like a parallel level is straight across from you instead of being above. So it doesn't cast shadows.
It just illuminates everything because it's a direct light and it just has that golden glow. And I will miss that, not just for the sake of photography, but just how beautiful golden hour is. I would say golden hour is as beautiful as the actual sunset, sunset lights up. The sky has beautiful colors, but you know, if there's no clouds in the sky, you actually don't get any color from the sunset. I don't know if you've ever noticed that, but it's the clouds that actually catch the color, but I will miss the sunset and I will definitely Ms. Golden hour.
I will miss the warmth of a campfire. I have loved campfires. I love the way I count fire smells. I don't love the way that I smell after sitting next to account fire, but while I'm sitting there, oh my gosh, it's one of my favorite smells. I love the crackle, the sound. I love the way that the flames dance, it's intoxicating to watch a fire. I will miss that. I will miss sitting next to a fire and I can't help, but think that my mom misses that, that if she had the opportunity to sit next to a fire again, but she would love, she'd love to take advantage of that.
You know, I will miss cloudless nights when there's no light pollution, meaning you're not near the city or out where there's no external lights on. You're just out in the dark, no clouds in the sky. And you look up at the sky and you just see a blanket of stars. I love the feeling. It feels to lay in nature and just see the whole Milky way.
And the sky lit up. And to be able to point out constellations and to stare at the sky and watch the stars and occasionally see a falling star, you know, I'll miss those meteor showers. I'll miss that. And you could think, oh, well, you know, when you're, when you die, you're out in space. You're part of the universe. You might see that. And maybe that's true. Maybe it is true. But I think the universe in that sense, like the astrology universe and the stars and the planets, I think that's part of the human existence.
I definitely would miss that. I would miss the silky taste and texture of cheesecake. I love a good cheesecake. I love chocolate. And you know, not to the point that maybe some other people love chocolate, but especially if it's a hormonal craving, I freaking love chocolate. I would miss chocolate.
I would miss the different forms of chocolate, like a hot fudge, or like melted chocolate in a chocolate chip cookie, a candy bar, definitely chocolate. And you know what? I would miss the way that my mouth waters at the first taste of a perfectly cooked steak. It's funny how, like the juices just get going at the back of your mouth. And like, it's kind of happening as I'm thinking about it.
I would miss that. I'm sure after this live, we don't even eat. We probably don't even taste things anymore. I don't know. Maybe we do, but if I didn't have that experience anymore, that's something I know I would miss. I just love good food. I would miss the pleasure of certain taste combinations like sweet and salty. Like I love kettle corn. I love chocolate covered pretzels. I love sweet and salty together.
I also love cool and spicy meaning. I love spicy food. Love it. Not to the point. Like my mouth is on fire, but like where it's a flavor, like it's, it's a hot, spicy flavor, but I also love being able to have a condiment or something to put with it. You know, it could be like hot wings with some blue cheese dressing. That's just an example. And I'm not a huge hot wings fan by the way. But that's just my point is being able to have something with some heat and then something to cool it off.
I would miss that. I would miss the texture of different foods. You know, it's funny how texture can turn you off to certain foods. Like I'm not really a jello fan because I don't really like the texture of jello, but there's certain things that I just love the texture of. I love the crunch of potato chips. I love being able to have something soft, like a potato and have some crunch on top of it. Like some crumbled bacon. I just love the dichotomy of textures in a really good meal.
That's something that I would miss. Do you know what else I would miss? Maybe this exists in our next experience. I don't know, but I would miss the colors of our planet. You know, we have some really deep dark shades of red and some stunning light, airy shades of yellow and lavender. You know, it amazes me how many shades of green we have in this life.
When you just like, look out your window, look out your window. How many shades of green can you see now, if you're listening to this and it's winter, you might not see very many, but it's like every tree is a different shade of green and sometimes several shades of green and the grass is a different shade of green. And, you know, plants are different shades of green. Like there's so many shades of green. I would miss those colors. I would miss the way it feels on a hot beach to put your toes in the cool sand.
I will miss the feeling of the tide, the feeling of watching the tide, how it mesmerizes you, you know, when I watch the ocean, I love to imagine that the water is coming towards me and pulling all of my stress and negative energy and all the negativity from me. I picture it, pulling it from me and taking it out to sea. And I, I love just sitting by the ocean and just watching the tide and just really visualizing that all the negativity is moving away from me, away from me, away from me.
It's drawing it out of me. I love the way it feels to just stand in the water, even when it's freezing cold, just to put my feet in, you know, up to my shins maybe, and have the water splash up onto my legs. Not forcefully, I'm thinking peacefully, but I definitely would miss the ocean and miss the tide. You know, there's certain undescribable feelings in this life. Things that if I never felt them before I would miss, you know, I think about the anxiety that I felt when I was in a new relationship and about to have, or having my first kiss, I would say about to have, you don't really have anxiety during probably, but just the way that, that feels.
I think about my first kiss with Dan. And when we went on that date, it's a funny story. And I won't get into all the details, but I was anxious because I kind of felt like he was going to kiss me that night. And I really wanted him to kiss me. But I just kind of how feeling like the whole date. I'm just going to be concerned about this kiss. Like, is he going to kiss me? How's it going to be? What if it's not good? What if like it's weird and awkward or messy or gross or whatever, you know?
And there's that anxiety of that first kiss. And I can tell you that Dan played it so amazing. We went to dinner and he did not wait till the end of the night on my doorstep to kiss me. As soon as we got back in the car, he literally passionately grabbed me and planted one on me. Like he broke all the tension and all the worry that would have been carried with us through the whole day. And he just confidently like grabbed me and pulled me in. And it was like the sexiest thing that has ever happened to me.
And he had me in that moment and I will miss that. I will miss that feeling. I will miss how amazing it feels to watch your child grow. And what I mean by that is they start out as these little humans that just needs so much help. And they're so dependent on you to eat and to bathe and to, you know, learn. And then they get to this age where they start learning things on their own.
And then they go to school and they learn things at school and they come home and they tell you things or they say things, and you're just flabbergasted because you're like, we're in the world. Did you learn that? And sometimes you're just amazed at how smart they are, but it's just this pride and this just wonderful emotion to see your children grow and to see them develop personalities of their own and to, to see them learn and, and turn into something of value. And I will miss that feeling.
I will miss the butterflies in my stomach when I'm falling a love. I will miss how it feels to just recognize, oh my gosh, I'm falling for this person. And those feelings go away after you spent enough time with that person. You know, they're not there always, but there's certain things they can do. And certain experiences where those, those butterflies come back every now and again, and it's such a fleeting thing, but such an amazing thing that I think we all kind of seek that out when we can, I'll miss the butterflies.
I feel when I'm pushing myself past my limits, when I'm forcing myself to go out on a limb, like I can like literally out on a limb, I can remember zip-lining with my husband a couple of years ago. And there was a free fall where you have to jump off of like a, I guess it's kind of like a podium or a pedestal. That's like 300 feet in the air and you have to do this like leap of faith. You jump. And after like a couple of feet, your cord catches and it's like controlled fall to the ground.
Well, I had never done one of those. And I cannot tell you how scared I was. Like, it was all I could do to force myself to jump because my body wanted to do it. And I watched my husband do it. And I saw that it worked and it caught him. And yet my mind was saying, this is ridiculous. This is stupid. If it doesn't catch you, you're going to die. You're going to hurt yourself. And I remember that, that fear. And, and then also the, the level of accomplishment when I finally did it and also how embarrassed I was when I realized how easy it really is.
And that I was definitely overreacting, but I love pushing my limits. And I love the way that it feels to have pride in yourself. And I love putting myself in situations where I, I feel a little bit uncomfortable and I don't know if we will have those opportunities in the next life. And all of this is kind of unknown. Maybe the next life is exactly like this life, but as I laid in bed and I thought about my list of things, I would miss, you know, I realized that by focusing on these things, I was not only paying attention to a lot of the things that I tend to take for granted, but it also was a form of gratitude to sit there and think about all of the details of life that I don't pay attention to, like all the shades of green outside the window.
Like, I don't think about that very often, but when I have those thoughts, it really makes me grateful for those things. And so I really felt like this whole train of thought that I was on the other night was inspired because as I was asking for inspiration to pull myself out of the funk that I was in, it caused me to not only focus more deeply on the things that I was grateful for, but it also made me recognize how much I was taking for granted.
And that by believing that I'm stuck on this hamster wheel and kind of thinking, what's the point of all of this and that every day is the same that all I needed to do was shift my focus, shift. My energy changed my thoughts, and that there's so much out there to be grateful for. And honestly, if I was given five years to live, if I was given just five years to live, how differently would I live my life? What would I do differently?
And that's kind of where my thoughts went after thinking about all the things I missed. I thought, okay, if today I was told I have five years left to live. What would I do differently tomorrow? And I feel like that's a really valuable conversation to have with yourself, because I think we tend to do things out of obligation, out of fear, out of just habit that don't necessarily serve us.
And so I'm not saying, you know, go live your life as if you're dying in five years, I don't mean go quit your job and, you know, make poor decisions. Cause it won't matter five years from now because hopefully we'll all live much longer than five years. But I do think that there's things that we do and ways that we live ways, we waste our life, that if we knew we were given five years to live, we would live entirely differently. So I had that thought the other night. And then I woke up the next day and decided I'm going to live today as if I was just told, I only have five years left to live.
And I happened to be off that day from work. So I thought, okay, I have the whole day to myself, Dan worked, I was off. I thought I have the whole day, how am I going to make the most of this day? I'm not wasted. And I don't think that that means that you have to stay productive every single moment of your life. But I do think it means to slow down and to appreciate. So one thing you might not know about me is I typically do intermittent fasting. If you're not familiar with intermittent fasting, it means that you only eat during certain hours of the day and the rest of the day you're fasting.
So I do that for health benefits, but I usually intermittent fast and I don't break my fast until late afternoon, early evening. But yesterday I woke up and I had some bananas that were starting to go bad. And I thought, you know what? I'm going to make banana pancakes. And I decided to make banana pancakes because I thought if I found out yesterday that I only have five years left to live, then I would make banana pancakes because I want banana pancakes. I don't care that I normally fast I'm going to happen at a pancakes.
So I made them and I'll admit it. I burned them. So they weren't necessarily the greatest, but they were amazing for me. I really saw and appreciated them. And I sat down and instead of getting on my phone or looking to the computer or watching TV or doing something distracting after I made the pancakes, I sat in front of the window and I opened the windows so that I could hear the noises from outside. And I listened to the birds chirping. And I just watched as the occasional car passed down the street and I listened to the sounds of life outside and the world around me.
And I really slowed down and I thought about how good the food I was eating tasted, even though it was permed. And I drank my coffee and I appreciated the coffee and the stimulation from the caffeine. And I just sat there. And I thought about how I wasn't wasting my day by not doing anything in that moment, but I was actually really making the most of my day by slowing down and appreciating and paying attention to what I was doing. So I did a few other things that day.
But the next thing that I did was I went on a nature walk and, you know, sometimes I feel like, oh, I've got to get so many steps in. And I wear a Fitbit watch and I do count my stubs and often count my calories and, you know, try and stay focused on that. But yesterday it was not for that purpose. My nature walk was okay if I had five years left to live, I would definitely want more time in nature. Like nature is one of my values. Like I value nature above so many other things in life.
Like I could just live in the middle of nowhere in the mountains if I, you know, had a roof over my head and food and, and basic necessities. So I went on this nature walk and I went to a park that I've meant to before, but haven't really spent a whole lot of time at, but I walked to the park. And as I walked through the park, I saw that there were so many things that I'd never seen before, just cause I hadn't really explored, but there was a pond and there were ducks and there were turtles.
And I talked about turtles on a episode with Dan because I was so pleasantly surprised to run across these turtles, but just being able to see the turtles and watch them swim and watch them play. And, and just as I was walking, I watched a couple slacklining between two trees. There was a guy sitting under a tree in the shade meditating, and it was, it was just a wonderful, peaceful experience at the park.
And, you know, I heard the birds chirping and there were lots of little birds scavenging for food, little red Robbins hopping along, trying to find, you know, something to eat. And I just sat there and just was taking it all in. And just every little thing about that experience that I would miss, I was thinking about it and I just started crying. I was crying while I was walking and I was so glad I was wearing sunglasses because I'm like every person that I pass is going to think that I just got in a big fight with my husband, but it was just so overwhelming to take the time to not just walk and not just be there, but to really be present and not to, just to be present, but to really appreciate my surroundings, really appreciate the beauty of my experience, the beauty of this life.
And it was amazing, you know, when I think about the human experience and I think about the things I won't miss, there's obviously some things I won't miss. I won't miss being guilted into doing things that I don't want to do, which honestly I rarely happens because I'm better about that, but I won't miss feeling bad or feeling sorry for myself. I won't miss feelings of guilt, not forgiving myself for past decisions or past mistakes.
I won't miss the negative self talk that is ingrained in my head. That I, every day I'm constantly working to overcome. I won't miss the drama or gossip that surrounds me that so many others seem to want to participate in. I won't miss that. I won't miss the negativity in the world. I won't miss the negativity on the news. There's, there's definitely things I won't miss about the human experience, but there's so much more that I would miss that.
I want to make sure that I make the most of my experience. I don't know when I'm going to die. In fact, I don't think I would want to know when I was going to die, but knowing that I'm five years away from the age that my mother was when she died. I know that there's some things I want to accomplish before I go. And I know that with whatever time I have left, I want to spend more time focused on the things that I appreciate, but also making sure that I stop missing out on the little things that I take for granted.
I want to slow down. I want to be present. I want to spend more time thinking about and feeling the things that I know I'll miss when I'm gone. And I feel like I was inspired to have that conversation with myself, but I also felt inspired to talk to you about that on the podcast, because what does that do with a lot of law of attraction? Well, it has everything to do with gratitude, but I guarantee if you spent your life living as if you only had a few days left, that you would attract so many more positive things, as long as you weren't in the mindset of poor me.
If you sat and lived in a state of appreciation, if you stopped focusing on the negative and you really looked for things to appreciate, I guarantee you, you would live a more positive life. You'd probably live a longer life and he would live a happier life. And I know that you would attract bigger and better things because the better it gets, the better it gets. So that leads me to my action item for this week. And there's so many things I could think from this conversation to recommend, but I think what I'd like you to do, and you're going to laugh because I love lists.
I too, I'm a list person, but I think make this list in your phone. I've said that before on episodes in season one, put it in your phone because then it's carried with you. It's something you can add to, but it's also something that you can look at, focus on. If you're standing in line somewhere, if you're having a bad day, it's just real easy to access, but make a list in your phone about what you would miss from the human experience. If you died today, what would you miss? What would you miss about this life?
Who would you miss? What details are you taking for? Granted make a list of those things. And you know, don't take forever, just spend a little time on it. And then, like I said, you can add to it later, but make a list. Think about some of those things that you would miss if you were no longer in this life. And then after you have that list, find ways to spend more time focused on those things. And what I mean is just like I talked about in episode one, getting focused on your values and determining what your values are, and then trying to find ways to spend your money on those values, or, you know, look at what you're spending aligns with with your values.
This is kind of the same thing where it's like make a list of the things that you appreciate or the things that you would miss and then find ways to have more of that in your life. If you're going to miss banana pancakes, make time to have banana pancakes and don't guilt yourself over it. You know, if you're going to miss that time in nature, make more time in nature, make sure that you don't miss out on those experiences. Make sure you don't die with any regrets. That's my action item for this week.
And just to wrap things up, I want to remind you about our giveaway. My giveaway. I have created some custom manifestation journals. And if you leave a review of the podcast that you will be entered into a weekly drawing to win one of those manifestation journals. Now they're not just lying to journals. They're kind of like a scrapbook. They are super powerful. If you write down the things that you want to manifest later, you will see those things manifest in your life. And there's a space for you to write down the date that that happened, how you feel about that.
And to be able to post a picture of that manifestation, something to look back on. And the more that you track, the things that you have attracted, the things you have manifested the stronger your belief will be in your ability to attract things and you'll just get better and better and better at being able to manifest the desires that you have in your heart. So thank you for joining me for this conversation. And I look forward to talking with you next week. Buh-bye 