S2.E38: Get Crystal Clear Clarity with What You Want
Are you tired of feeling lost or uncertain about your goals and aspirations? Do you find yourself struggling to manifest the things you truly desire in life? In this transformative episode, join us as we dive deep into the art of gaining crystal clear clarity on what you want to attract into your life.
Hosted by the renowned podcaster and manifestation expert, Kayla Rain, this empowering episode is a game-changer for anyone seeking to manifest their dreams and create a life of abundance. Drawing on years of personal experience and research, Kayla goes into detail on why it’s important to get crystal clear on what you’re trying to manifest and shares invaluable insights, personal stories and practical strategies that will unlock the door to your deepest desires.
Hi there. I'm your host, Kayla Rain, and welcome back to attract it with ease. In this week's podcast episode, I'm gonna be talking about something I haven't addressed in over two years. That's right, two years. I'm gonna be talking about getting Crystal clear with what it is that you're trying to manifest, what it is specifically that you're asking the universe for If.
you think about it when you're trying to go somewhere in your car and you put a destination into maps on your phone or into your navigation system, you have to put the actual address or you have to be specific about where you're trying to get to in order for the maps or the g p s system to get you there. If, you just put in a city or If, you are just kind of generic. You're not going to end up at your final destination.
You may end up in the vicinity of it, but you're not going to end up exactly where you're trying to go. And so in today's episode, I'm gonna talk in detail about the importance of getting Crystal clear with your manifestations and how If you are not Crystal clear. If you're somewhat generic, you may just end up in the vicinity of what you are asking for instead of actually receiving the very thing that you're dreaming of.
But before I get into all of that this week, I'd like to start this episode out by talking about my gratitude. The first thing that I'm grateful for this week is that I am learning to stop being so judgmental. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I complain about a lot of things and a lot of people and I get frustrated all the time. But I can see that I am literally physically making strides in how open-minded and loving I am towards other people.
And the way that I recognize that is that I will be in conversations with people and I will hear them saying something judgmental about someone else, and instead of agreeing with with them, or instead of adding my own commentary, I actually notice myself being rubbed wrong. I notice that it bothers me and sometimes I speak up, especially if it's something that I feel like is unfair. I often say, well, that's not nice. But other times I just think to myself, wow, I have grown so much in my ability to not engage in those conversations and to step back and accept people for who they are.
and I have to say, I'm so grateful for that awareness, but also personal growth because it's something I've been trying to work on. The next thing that I'm grateful for today is that there's never a missed opportunity. Literally, there's never a missed opportunity. And I've talked about that recently on the podcast. If, you are trying to manifest something and you have in your mind an opportunity that's the exact way that you think it should turn out and it doesn't.
It's gonna come around again. And sometimes we look back on situations and we think, Ugh, I should have said this. I should have done that. Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I say this? Why didn't I jump in? Why didn't I speak up? And we have all of these thoughts in our minds of how we could have handled a situation better. and I have been reminded just in the last week that there's no such thing as a missed opportunity. What I mean by that is that I, for whatever reason, was reminded of some notes that I took almost a year ago.
I was listening to a podcast and they were interviewing someone that I had never heard of, and the topic that they were talking about was not even what ended up interesting me. The person that they were interviewing started talking about a software that they had developed, which had nothing to do with the topic of the podcast, but in the few words that they said about it, I was intrigued. and I got out my notebook and I remember writing the person's name down and writing their software down and thinking to myself, I'm gonna look into this.
And later that day I did look into it and I thought, oh my gosh, this is amazing. I'm going to use this. I've never heard of this before. This is like an untapped secret. And like so many other things, I never did anything with it. And over time, I forgot about it. I forgot about the idea. And for some reason, I don't even know why and I don't even remember how. But at some point this week, I remembered that podcast and I remembered this person. I couldn't remember their name, I couldn't remember the name of their software.
I just remembered the idea of it. And So I started doing some research and trying to figure it out. I couldn't find it. So. I finally thought, oh my gosh, I think I wrote that down. and I went through all of my things. I found the notebook I had written it down on, I found the person's name, I found the name of their software. and I started looking into it again. and I have to tell you, this is something I should have taken action on a year ago. and I didn't. I tabled it at the time.
I was so excited. And yet I let it fizzle out. This week, I have been reignited, re-energized, re enthused, and I'm starting to take the idea seriously and actually do something with it. And I'm recognizing that a year ago, the timing must not have been right because I allowed that idea to just go away. But the universe found a way to bring it to my awareness again this week because it was an idea that I should be acting on. and I am acting on it. and I am so grateful that that's the way that the law of attraction works.
There's no missed opportunity. It will come around for you again. And If, you are not ready for it. If, you're not aligned for it. If, you are not in the head space for it at the time that it first presents itself to you. It will come around to you again, And. that is something I'm grateful for this week. And the third thing that I'm grateful for this week is something pretty cool to me. I talk about it all the time. I talk about manifesting money and I talk about how in order to manifest money, you have to be willing to spend money.
And yet that's something that I personally struggle with when it comes to large purchases. This week there was something that I really wanted that I've been putting off for a while because it is a large purchase, I just keep thinking my next paycheck, my next paycheck, I'll do it my next paycheck and I keep putting it off. And this week I finally convinced myself to do it. and I thought, you know what? I'm gonna do it in a payment plan instead of just doing it in one lump sum, I'm just gonna pay it over time and then I'll feel better about it, and then it won't feel like such a big purchase.
and I went ahead and I ordered the item. It's a physical item. and I made the first payment on the payment plan, and I felt pretty good about it when I did it. I went to bed that night, and when I woke up the next morning, I had a notification on my phone and I had sold something on my Etsy shop that was almost double the amount of money that I had spent on this item. And instantly when I woke up, I was like, oh my gosh, that's incredible. Like that more than covers the amount of money that I spent last night.
And instantly I felt better about the situation. But even more to my point, the very next day, the very next day, I was presented with something that I would consider kind of an investment opportunity. This investment opportunity was a lot of money, a lot of money for me, a lot more money than I felt comfortable with. And with this investment opportunity, I could see how it could and would result into a return.
But I just kept thinking about all the money that I had spent the day before and how it was such a large sum of money. And in the back of my mind, I kept saying, but Kayla, the money you spent yesterday has already been replaced. You already have more money than you spent. and I used that mindset to talk myself into investing in this particular thing. So long story short, within one hour, one hour of making that investment of taking that leap and putting money into something that I knew would pay off that I knew was a good investment, but I felt like was a lot of money, within one hour, I made another large sale in my Etsy shop.
Now, I know that you could say maybe those things are unrelated and it's just coincidence. And not everyone has an Etsy shop where they can just randomly make money that they weren't expecting. But to me, it was literal evidence two days back to back that when I was willing to take the leap of faith and spend money, I felt might even be a little bit irresponsible, the universe almost instantly.
Literally the first time within 12 hours, the second time, within one hour, the universe rewarded me and showed me that when I am willing to let money flow through me, that that money will be replaced. and I just can't even tell you how grateful I am for that. It has been an incredible week and I am so excited to talk to you. So let's jump into this week's episode.
This week's episode is all about getting Crystal clear clarity on what you want to manifest, literally getting Crystal clear. Let's talk about getting Crystal clear. Why is it important to get Crystal clear? Well, I'm gonna give you some shocking facts. You may have never really realized this before, but sometimes when you are trying to manifest something or when you are trying to get very specific about what you want, you would think that your friends and family would be your absolute biggest supporters.
And occasionally they are. But the fact of the matter is that your friends and family often are not very supportive of you getting Crystal clear with what you want because it exposes their insecurities and their failures to pursue their dreams. Let me say that again. Sometimes your friends and family are not supportive of you getting Crystal clear with what you you want, because if they do that, it exposes their own insecurities.
It makes them recognize that they have failed to pursue their dreams. So your unwavering focus and determination actually is a stark reminder to them of their unfulfilled ambitions. It can cause resentment. They can envy you. you know, it can stir up all of these emotions within them. And like it or not, your friends and family, they may not consciously know this, but they would rather keep you bound by their side settling for mediocrity together than to actually see you achieve your dreams.
Because when you achieve your dreams, more often than not, it actually makes them recognize that they have failed in pursuing their dreams. I don't know if you've ever looked at things that way, but your friends and family should be your biggest supporters, but more often than not, they are not. I want to give you another shocking fact And. that is that the government and businesses society, they don't want you to get Crystal clear clarity on what you want either because they feed off of the profits that are generated by you being dissatisfied with your life and perpetually longing more.
When we are unhappy and when we are dissatisfied, we tend to find ways to try and fill that void. And the way that we do that is through consumer driven spending. That is how our economy thrives. And so if they ensure that you remain a cog in their profit generating machine, that is how they profit. So whether or not you recognize it, the people around you, the people in your life, whether it be your job, whether it be businesses, whether it be the government, whether it be your family, whether it be your friends, they are traditionally not very supportive of you chasing your dreams and getting Crystal clear clarity on your desires.
So all of that being said, let's talk about why it's important to get Crystal clear. Why is it important? Well, like my example when I started this episode, If, you just plug a city into your G P s coordinates, it's gonna route you to that city, but it's not gonna take you to the restaurant or your friend's house or the hotel or the resort or the beach that you're trying to get to. It's gonna take you to the city. And from there, you're still gonna have to figure it out.
When you are not ultimately super specific with the universe and what you're asking for, chances are you are going to get what you ask for, but it's not really going to be specifically what you wanted. Let me give you an example and I think I shared this example back in the first few episodes of season one, but rather than making you go back and listen to that episode, I'm gonna share it with you again right here.
There was a time in my life not that long ago actually, where I was living by myself and I had been laid off from a job that I had worked at for almost 10 years. The company had gone from having physical locations to moving to an online only operation, and almost everyone that had worked for the corporate office, which I was one of those people, and I had a really hard time finding another job, mostly because I wasn't willing to settle for much less pay than I was making.
And at the time, I was making really good money. So I found myself living off of unemployment for many months because I could make more money on unemployment, which was a percentage of my old salary than what I could have made in new positions that I was coming across. and I wasn't just willing to take a job for the sake of having a job. I wanted to find something that would be fulfilling and something that I felt equated to the job I used to have. So here I am unemployed, living off unemployment, not receiving a lot of money, but receiving some money monthly.
And because of my car payment, my utilities, food, rent, everything, I found it hard to cover all of my bills. And so there were a couple of months that I was struggling and I remember at the time thinking all I need is $3,000. If I could up with $3,000, I could take care of everything. I honestly don't remember why $3,000 was the number.
Maybe it's because it gave me a few months of padding in order to cover my rent, or maybe it was what I owed on my credit cards And. that was one way for me to get rid of one less bill. I honestly don't remember, but I do remember thinking, I need $3,000 and I. Remember having that thought, $3,000, that's what I'm going to manifest. And at the time, I was really focused on self-improvement and working on manifesting and I just put it out to the universe, I'm gonna manifest $3,000, I'm going to manifest $3,000.
And not long after I got a letter in the mail from the I r s that told me that I had not filed my taxes in the year 2005. And I thought about it, and I'm like, that's crazy. I always pay my taxes. How could I have not filed my taxes? and I thought back on it and I thought, you know, I had just gotten divorced and I was single. It was one of the first years that I would've filed on my own. and I thought, there's no way. I did not file my taxes.
But here I had this letter from the I r s saying, you did not file your taxes. So I decided, I guess I better file them. Like that's one less monkey I need on my back right now. So I sat down and I found the forms. It was many years old, but I put together my taxes from 2005, and as I built my taxes, I realized that I was due a refund. And. that refund was almost exactly $3,000.
I think it was a couple dollars more. It was like $3,014. But I remember being blown away thinking, oh my goodness, I am due $3,000. This is exactly the amount that I needed to manifest. How in the world did I go a year without filing my taxes? And here when I need $3,000, the universe is just handing it to me, actually telling me, file your taxes. You have $3,000 due to you.
So of course, I hurry and fill out the paperwork, I submit it to the I r s, and I'm sitting around just waiting for this $3,000 to show up and a couple weeks go by, maybe a month, and I get a letter from the I r s. and it basically says that yes, I was due a refund of 3000 and something dollars, but I was outside the timeframe in order to claim it. In other words, the i r s is really sneaky, and they waited until they knew that I was outside that timeframe before they notified me that I hadn't filed.
And so essentially they made me file, which I did, but they got to keep that $3,000. So the moral of my story is I absolutely manifested $3,000 without question. I said I was going to do it. And almost within a couple of weeks, and almost within a couple of weeks, I manifested $3,000. and it was incredible to me at the time. I just kept thinking, this is amazing. Like that was so easy. And yet because I was not Crystal clear with what this $3,000 was for or that I physically wanted to receive $3,000, I really thought that by saying I wanted to manifest $3,000, that that would mean $3,000 in my bank account.
But I did not specify that. And I never ended up receiving the money. Now, I know that sounds crazy, and you could say Kayla, that's just a coincidence. Everything could be just a coincidence. But the fact of the matter is If, you are not Crystal clear with what you're asking the universe for. The universe will still give it to you. It just won't necessarily be what you were really asking for.
Think about it in these terms. Imagine you go to a restaurant, you go up to the counter and they ask you what you'd like to order, and you tell them, I'd like to order some food. And you're not specific about what it is that you want. You just tell them you're hungry and you want food. So they place your order and you sit down and you wait. And then the restaurant brings you a plate of food, and it's something absolutely that you would not eat, you would not like, you do not enjoy.
And you sit there frustrated about the fact that you sat and waited for this plate of food, which is something that you won't eat. That is what it's like when you place an order with the universe. If, you are not specific. The universe doesn't know what you want. It will still give you what you asked If. you tell them you're hungry and you want food, the universe will give you food. But if you're allergic to shellfish and it doesn't know it, and you don't specify it, the universe very well might bring you a plate of shellfish and you're going to be utterly disappointed.
So that's what I want to talk about this week. I want to talk about getting Crystal clear, Crystal clear clarity on what it is that you want to manifest. So when you know what you want to manifest, it's really not very hard. You just have to be specific. Instead of asking for food, if you know that what you really would like is a plate of nachos and you want it with all the fixings, you literally just have to say nachos with everything, extra guacamole.
Add the olives. I would love some shredded chicken, whatever the case may be, be very specific with the universe. But I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the fact that so many of us so much of the time don't know what it is that we want. you know, when my sister, Adria Shea was a co-host on season one, that was her struggle.
She 100% believed in the law of attraction. But she would tell me all the time, Kayla, I just don't know what I want. How do I figure out what I want? And you know, it's okay to not know. I mentioned in last week's episode when I was covering my gratitude that my husband had recently left his job. So my husband is currently unemployed. He did not have a backup plan when he left. And right now he's sitting around trying to figure out what it is that he wants to do.
There's certain things he's skilled at, but there's certain aspects of the job he had before that he really didn't enjoy. And so he's sitting there having the conversation with himself and also having the conversation with me saying, I want this, but I don't want that. and I don't know what I want in regards to this. and I don't know what job title to apply for because I kind of would like to be a project manager, but I don't wanna be a project manager for certain jobs like construction. There's certain specific jobs I'd like to be a project manager for.
And he's going round and round in circles, having the most difficult time, trying to fine tune what it is that he wants. And So I will share with you the advice that I gave to him as well as the advice that I gave to my sister. That is that when you don't know what you want, you almost always know what you don't want. And so that's your starting point. Start with the things you don't want.
Now I wanna be careful in how I say that because when it comes to the law of attraction, we don't want to focus on what we don't want because what we focus on is what we get. If we focus on what we don't want, we're gonna end up with more of what we don't want. So when I say start with what you don't want, what that means is determine what you do want by knowing what you don't want. Here's what I mean by that. You don't have to get nitty gritty down to the detail If, you conceptually know the things you don't want.
Focus on the opposite of it. So for example, if you're looking for a new job and you hate that your current job makes you work every weekend, instead of saying, I don't wanna work every weekend, have the idea that you want weekends off, can you see the difference when you focus on, I don't wanna work every weekend, you're going to Attract working every weekend when you focus on, I want weekends off, you're going to Attract weekends off the, the universe doesn't understand language.
The universe understands our emotions and our vibration. And so what we're focusing on is what we Attract. Don't focus on what you don't want. Focus on the opposite, which will be what you do want. I'm going to get into this in more detail so that it makes more sense. But before I do that, I'm gonna take a quick break from our sponsors. But please stay tuned because when we come back, not only am I going to help you determine what it is that you want, I'm actually going to share with you my personal notes of what I was looking for when I attracted my husband.
I ran across that notebook just a couple of days ago, and I'm actually going to read to you from that notebook from many years ago about the aspects of what I was looking for in my future relationship and my future husband, and how I attracted the relationship that I'm in. So stay tuned for that. I'll be right back with you. Welcome back to Attract It. With EASE. We were talking about getting Crystal clear clarity on the things that you are working to manifest.
And what I had just finished saying is, If, you don't know what you want. Start with understanding what you don't want. In other words, use what you don't want to figure out what it is that you do want. Here's an example of that. I was in a job that I hated when I first moved to the Reno Tahoe area. I had taken a job that got us here, moved us into the tiny house, and I was so excited about it.
We moved from Sedona to the Reno Tahoe area, and I was so excited about this new job opportunity. Well, about 60 days into the job, I realized I absolutely hated it. I hated it for a couple of reasons. The main reason being that the owner lived outta state and I did not feel like he was very supportive. And we really struggled with keeping staff because they paid their employees so low. Well, if that wasn't bad enough, any time that the staff called out or quit, which felt like happened every day, I had to pick up the extra slack, which meant I was working 12 plus hour days.
I worked over Christmas, I worked over my birthday, and in less than 90 days I was like, I'm sorry, but this is for the birds. I'm not doing this job anymore. So I had moved to a new city. I had moved to a new state for a job that I hated, and I quit my job with no backup plan because I just couldn't tolerate it anymore. I just felt like this is so negative and so toxic, I can't focus on what I want. I can't look for another job while I'm working these crazy hours in a job that I can't stand So.
I quit with no plan, which I wouldn't really recommend in most situations, but I did it. And when I did it, I sat down and I wrote out a list of what it was that I wanted in a job. and I didn't know what I wanted to do. I had been in sales for years. I knew I did not want to be in sales. I did not want to be in sales. But because most of my work experience had been in sales, I was like, what am I gonna do? All of my experiences in sales?
How am I gonna get into another industry? And instead of trying to narrow down to one specific job I wanted to apply for, I decided to make a list of all of the things I wanted in my next job. Essentially, what am I looking for? And work-life balance was a big one. I wanted to be able to have time for myself. I didn't want to work 12 hour days. I would've preferred to have weekends off. I wanted decent pay.
I wanted it to be similar to what I was making, if not more. I wanted job flexibility. As you probably already know, I have a lot of tattoos and I wanted a job where they wouldn't give me a hard time about my tattoos. There were certain aspects that were really important to me. And so that's one of the key takeaways I want you to get from this episode is as you are determining what you want, as you're getting Crystal clear clarity, you need to figure out what are your non-negotiables?
What are the things you absolutely will not tolerate? And again, we're not focusing on the negative. We're not focusing on what you don't want. We're focusing on what you do want. And the reason I say you have to figure out the non-negotiables are there's going to be non-negotiables that are absolute. And there are also going to be other factors that are going to be preferences, meaning, well, in a perfect world, I would have this, but it's not a deal Spreaker for me.
So as you're creating this list of the things that you do want, you need to know which of those things are non-negotiable and which of those things you can live without but you prefer. So for example, for me, I preferred to have weekends off, but it wasn't a deal Spreaker for me. If I had to work some weekends here and there, I was okay with that. My background is from retail and I'm used to working every weekend and every holiday and every everything. And to me, just to be able to have some weekends off or not have to work every holiday, not have to work on my birthday, that was a big deal to me.
So, I sat down and I wrote the income that I wanted, and I wrote the type of work-life balance that I wanted. and I wrote down the benefits that I wanted and I started to get specific with. These are my non-negotiables, and I've talked about this in season one, but here is the absolute crazy thing about this situation. I left a job with absolutely zero plan, no plan at all.
And instead of just floundering, not knowing what to do, because I didn't pigeonhole myself into one option, I actually found countless jobs that fit the profile of the aspects that I wanted. and I found myself applying for dozens of different opportunities. And the best part is I started getting interviews. I started getting interviews for things that I was way overqualified for, and yet they still interviewed me.
And what I found is that within one week, I got three job offers, three job offers in entirely different industries. The first job offer that I got was in banking. And I wasn't super stoked on the pay. It was okay, but it wasn't at the top end of the range that I was looking for. But the pro to that opportunity was that it had nights and weekends off. and I was like, this is amazing.
I've never had nights and weekends off. I can't even imagine what that would look like. And so to me, that felt like an amazing opportunity. And before I had accepted that position, I got called for another job that I had interviewed for, and I got offered that job. And. that job was for a rental car company. That job did work some nights and weekends, but it came with some really cool perks. I got a free car to drive. I got a rental car to drive.
I had a job perk. I basically could get rid of my car payment and constantly have a car to drive. They covered the insurance. It was a decent salary. It was not every night or weekend. It was some nights or weekends, but they were closed on holidays. and I started thinking about that job and comparing it to the first job and saying, you know, there's a lot of benefits to this job. Maybe I should consider this one. and I was torn between the two. and I still had not considered either of the two jobs when I finally got called to be a train conductor.
And I've talked about that on a few episodes, just briefly, it sounds crazy, but I got a job offer to be a train conductor. and I really when I applied, did not think that I was qualified for that job. But I interviewed really well. They loved me, and I ultimately got offered the position. And when I compared the three side by side, they all had pros and cons, but the train conductor positions sounded the most appealing to me. It was the most money, it had the most flexible schedule.
It sounded amazing, And. that was the job that I ended up taking. Now, If, you followed along in my story. you know that I was not a trained conductor very long because of C O V I D. I got furloughed and I ended up moving on to other things. So that's a whole other conversation, a whole other story for another day. But my point in telling you all of this is that instead of sitting down and trying to figure out the exact job that I wanted, the exact title of job I was gonna search for, I allowed myself to be open to various opportunities that the universe could bring me.
And what that did was it allowed the universe to open up every opportunity that fit into the profile that I created. I wanted a certain schedule. I wanted a certain work-life balance. I wanted certain benefits. I wanted a certain income. and I did not just end up with one option. I had so many options. I was confused for days. I had a plethora of options to choose from.
Any of those could have been an amazing opportunity, but the universe brought me literally on a silver platter, three different opportunities within one week. and I just got to sit back and decide which one I wanted to take. That is the value in getting Crystal clear clarity in the things that you're looking to Attract. Now, I promised that I would share with you my list of what I was looking for when I manifested my husband If.
you followed my story. you know that the most significant relationship that I had prior to meeting my husband was a seven year relationship that was absolutely toxic. There were so many things that were not good about that relationship. and I look back at the person that I was and I am just astonished that I tolerated the things that I did, that I behaved the way that I did.
I cannot believe that I was that person. And coming out of that relationship, I wanted to make sure I did not make the same mistakes. So the first thing that I did coming off of that relationship was I took time to heal. I took over six months and I didn't date. I didn't really do social activities. I literally took over six months to work on self-improvement. I needed to figure out what was wrong with me and how to fix it.
And after doing some strong internal work, I finally decided I'm ready to get myself out there. But before I did that, I sat down and made a list of what I was looking for in my future relationship. And I got serious about the fact that I wanted my next relationship to be my future husband. Not because I was desperate to get married, but because I didn't want to waste any more time on a relationship that wasn't going anywhere.
So I'm actually going to read to you this extensive list of what I asked for when I manifested my husband and If. you remember back to a few minutes ago when I was talking about getting Crystal clear with your non-negotiables versus the things that you would prefer but aren't deal breakers. I'll try and tell you on the list some of the things that were not deal breakers for me, but were preferences because I'll be honest, my husband does not check every single box on this list, but he checks all of them except maybe two.
And those couple of items that do not describe my husband do not fall under the non-negotiables. They're more preferences of what I wanted at the time. So let's jump right in. I'm literally reading right from my notebook and it says, manifesting my future husband and tall at least five 11. I am sorry if that offends any of our listeners, but I am approximately five foot eight and I have dated guys that are my height or shorter.
I love to wear heels, and my first husband was six two. I just really felt like I wanted my next relationship and my husband to be tall. And guess what? My husband is six four, so he definitely checks that box next on my list. Kind eyes, dark hair tans easily. Now that's a funny one because I actually am very fair skinned. I don't tan easily. So I. Don't know why that was important to me, but I guess it was something that was, you know, on my mind at the time.
Next is muscular, a nice upper body and I have in parentheses, shoulders and arms. Now, those are two of my favorite features on a man is someone that has nice, big, strong shoulders and nice big arms. Next on my list is proportionate size and I. think the reason that was important to me is I know so many people who build up their upper body and skip leg day. That was not the kind of person I wanted to end up with.
Next is strong hands. And it's funny because when I read this to myself this evening, that is the one aspect of my husband that I think is the most attractive. My husband has the most amazing giant man hands and I know that sounds silly, but if you've ever watched Jerry Seinfeld and he talks about man hands, how he couldn't date a girl with man hands, there's definitely something about women who have dainty hands and guys who have big, strong hands, at least to me.
And I'm not trying to pigeonhole a situation or put people in a box or make anyone feel uncomfortable, but to me, a man with very strong masculine hands is so attractive. The next thing on my list is I wanted him to be a good dresser. Next is independent, but also wants a companion. I had been in a very codependent relationship for many years. I lived and breathed for that person, and I wanted to be in a relationship that was interdependent, meaning we had our own lives, our own interests, our own passions, but someone who also was looking for a companion who wanted that companionship.
Next is someone who loves animals. I next have no little kids prefer none or mostly grown. Now, when I met my husband, he did have a daughter and she was 11 years old. That was totally okay with me. What I didn't want was to suddenly step into the role of being mom or stepmom for like five little toddlers. Next on my list is someone who's financially stable, someone who's good with money, but not thrifty.
Now that comes from a relationship. Even prior, I was in a a relationship with a guy who made good money, but he would not spend, he literally bought all of his clothes from Walmart. And there's nothing wrong with buying all of your clothes from Walmart, but he would be appalled. When I wanted to buy something for myself with my own money And, that was always a point of contention for us. So that was important to me going into another relationship was being with someone who was good with their money but didn't mind spending money.
Next is someone who enjoys the finer things. Someone who loves wine and is willing to learn about wine with me. Someone who's a social drinker, meaning they're not an alcoholic, they don't have to have a drink. They're not drinking constantly, but they will drink socially. Someone who doesn't party, someone who's drug free, someone who doesn't smoke, someone who has nice teeth and a white smile.
I then put, I prefer the ability to grow facial hair. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't find men without facial hair attractive, but I really love a man with good facial hair. Next is little body hair. And to the side of that, I put shaves it if he has to. Next is can't live without me. Now, that's probably not very clear with what I wanted because I don't want someone that's codependent, but I definitely wanted to feel wanted.
Next is loves to cuddle sensitive to my needs, thoughtful, gives cards, flowers, and unexpected gifts. Eats healthy is a neat freak. I can trust him. Introduces me to his friends and family. I dated a guy for nearly six months, and I was so obsessed with him, and we had this amazing sort of love affair, but he never wanted to take me anywhere.
He never introduced me to any of his friends. And at some point I started to find that as a red flag. I definitely didn't want to find myself in that situation again. Next is he has boys nights, but not too often and prefers to have me along, makes alone time for me. One-on-one dates or date nights is adventurous and wouldn't mind skydiving. Loves his family, especially his mom enjoys working out and does regularly likes various music.
But we have similar tastes. Looks at me like I am the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. Shares his secrets, can't keep his hands or eyes off of me. Wants to make love. Often believes in the law of attraction and practices. It enjoys meditation quotes and motivational reading.
Doesn't swear a lot. Loves to travel and wants to see the world driven both in goals and career. Isn't afraid to say he's sorry and wants to meet me halfway. Doesn't flirt with my friends, doesn't want to share me with another man. Doesn't hide his phone or his passwords, And that I put in parentheses. I don't wanna check, but I want to know he has nothing to hide, Loves to hold my hand, puts his arm around me and kisses me in public.
He's a good kisser. Tells me he loves me. Often enjoys good cheese with me, gives great gifts, loves my family, loves my child, enjoys going to live sporting events, calls me often to let me know I'm on his mind and likes having his picture taken. That's my list. And this list is so old.
And if I were to rewrite this list, there's things on there that I would've written differently, not because I wanted something different, but because the way it's worded sounds negative, such as doesn't hide his phone. If I were to rewrite that, I wouldn't say doesn't hide his phone, I would say makes his phone available to me, gives me his passwords. So you can see how over time I've learned how to write what I want or state what I want in a more positive way.
But the crazy thing is this. My husband was the third person I dated after I started dating. Again. Like I said, I took a little over six months off after my last relationship. I took those six months to do some heavy internal work. I went on a couple of dates with two other people, and then I met my husband and it was history. We hit it off immediately. We didn't get serious for five or six months, but once we started dating, I didn't date anyone else.
and it took us five years to get engaged. But he is the absolute perfect person for me. Absolutely. And every single one of those things on my list, that would be a non-negotiable. My husband is, and I forgot to share with you the things that were some of my maybe preferences but not deal breakers. Well, one of those is someone who works out regularly.
My husband hates to work out. He does not go to the gym. He does not work out. But you know what? That was not a deal. Spreaker for me. And the fact is, my husband doesn't do traditional workouts, but my husband is a very active man. And so although he doesn't go to the gym and lift weight, my husband stays in shape. My husband has an active lifestyle, and that's totally okay with me. But when I sit down and I review that list and I, look at how many of the boxes my husband checks, it's incredible to me how just sitting down and making a list, literally getting Crystal clear clarity on what it is that I wanted, the universe was able to literally bring me exactly what I had asked for.
So that leads me into this week's action item. This week's action item is for you to take a few minutes and think about everything that you're working to manifest, everything you'd like to have. Think about it all. And as you think about those things, there's going to be one big thing or two big things that float right to the top of your mind. It could be a financial goal, it could be a career goal. It could be a relationship goal, it could be a weight goal, it could be a travel goal.
I don't know what it is, but there's going to be one thing that as you start thinking about what it is you want in life, one or two things are really going to stand out to you as those are the biggies. and I want you to pick one. I want you to pick just one of those things. Whatever that one thing is, that's what we're gonna start with. I want you to sit down and make your list of your non-negotiables. You don't have to state exactly what it is you want, but you want to write down the details.
What are the aspects that are non-negotiables? And then add in some of the things that are preferences, because the universe will give you some of the preferences, but it might not get them all because truthfully, especially if we're talking about a person, there's no such thing as a perfect person. But there is such thing as a perfect person for you. So make your list, write it down, and then forget about it. I literally have had this notebook set aside for, I don't even know, eight plus years.
I have had this notebook for all that time, and it is just now that I'm reflecting back on it and recognizing, oh my gosh, all these things that I asked for is everything. My husband is And. that is how it'll work for you too. So the last thing that I wanna cover this week is the fact that I am a member of the Ethereal Podcast Network. I've mentioned the network on a few different episodes, but there is one podcast I really want to promote this week, And, that is the Skeptic Meta Physicians.
They are my absolute friends, will and Karen. It's a husband and wife team that runs that podcast. They do incredible interviews and they talk about literally everything that falls under the umbrella of metaphysical. So to end this episode, I'm going to give you just a quick teaser to their podcast. And if it sounds at all interesting to you, I encourage you to check out the skeptic metas.
That's it for this week. Have a good one. Look forward to talking to you next week. Bye-bye.