S1.E25: To Stay or To Go?
There are times in life where we ask ourselves whether we should stay in a situation or relationship, or whether it's time to go. Can it be saved? In this episode we share the make it or break it question that will give you a definitive answer every time. Listen in to learn more!
Podcast Music Credit: Caleb Britton @NeonBrotherDC
We're two sisters who believe that the purpose of life is to enjoy, create and have fun. We believe that as humans, we can have anything we want and things are always working out for us. Experience has taught us that the path to getting everything we want begins with ease. If you believe in miracles and happily ever after, or even if you just want to, then this is the podcast for you.
Kayla Rain
Hey there, I'm your host, Kayla Rain.
38s
Adria Sha
I'm your co-host Adria Sha.
40s
Kayla Rain
And welcome back to Attract It With EASE. Hey Adria, how's it going?
45s
Adria Sha
Hey, I'm great. How are you?
47s
Kayla Rain
I am really good. Tell me what you're grateful for today and why.
52s
Adria Sha
Okay. You might laugh. But first of all, I am grateful that fish oil capsules exist. Specifically I'm grateful that I can get all of the benefits of eating fish without actually eating fish.
1m 7s
Kayla Rain
Are you sure that all the benefits are in one capsule?
1m 12s
Adria Sha
Probably not, but enough benefit for me to justify the taste of fish all day.
1m 22s
Kayla Rain
You were right. I did laugh. I'm sure there's people out there who love seafood, who are just dying over that going, Oh my gosh, she's missing out. But no, I also agree that fish oil tablets are something to be grateful for. That's a good one. What else?
1m 40s
Adria Sha
I'm grateful for coffee machines and just the ability to make a copy of something that is important. I don't know what they did before that existed. Maybe there was not a need for that. I copy things all the time.
1m 52s
Kayla Rain
Tracing paper, triplicate forms like literally carbon copies. There's a reason it's called that they used carbon to make copies.
2m 7s
Adria Sha
Okay. The third one's a little more serious. I am going to be spending the day tomorrow with my daughter that lives out of state. And I'm really grateful for that opportunity. That's coming up.
2m 17s
Kayla Rain
Oh, how fun. I'm so excited for you. That's awesome. So I'm grateful for date nights with Dan. We've tried to do it more regularly. Recently. We don't have one every single week, but several times a month and we have a fun one planned this coming Saturday. And that's really why I'm grateful because I mean, I'm grateful anyway, of course, but I'm super grateful this week because there's a restaurant I've been wanting to try it's in Tahoe and right now, because of COVID they only have four tables open at any given time. So you do have to make reservations. It's hard to get into. It's a whole thing. Plus we don't, we do not live in Tahoe. So it's a little bit of a drive for us to get there.
3m 4s
Kayla Rain
Long story short. It's a holiday weekend this weekend. And so I didn't know if we'd be able to get reservations and we did, and I'm so excited. I'm so excited for that date night.
3m 13s
Adria Sha
That is awesome. I can't wait to hear about it after
3m 17s
Kayla Rain
Number two is going to be really brief, but I'm grateful for feminine products and that's all I'm going to say about that.
3m 27s
Adria Sha
And that they have evolved over the years.
3m 31s
Kayla Rain
Yeah, no, I'm really, I'm so grateful and we don't need to get into why, I'm just going to leave it at that, but I'm grateful for those. And the number three, I think we've both said this a few times, but I'm grateful for my car and I've been thinking about it because my car is older, but it has so many of wonderful, amazing features that I am grateful for. I have leather, heated seats. I have power windows. I have a panoramic sunroof. I have a backup camera. I have a remote start. I have all of these cool features in my car that I haven't had in prior cars. And I think about the people out there that don't have any cars.
4m 12s
Kayla Rain
And then there's people who don't have power windows or, you know, how it is when your power window breaks and you can't even roll down your window. Like there's people out there with that. And I just appreciate, you know what? Yeah, my car is not brand new, but I have a pretty sweet car. Is this sweet ride. And I'm very grateful For my car. I love it.
4m 33s
Adria Sha
That's awesome.
4m 35s
Kayla Rain
Thanks. So Adria, this topic today is way in left field for most of, I think what we've been talking about, it'll circle back around to a lot of concepts we've discussed, but I don't think we've really talked about this particular topic in general. And what I want to talk about today is whether to stay or to go. And that is what the episode is called, "To Stay Or To Go". And I think this question comes up in so many aspects of our lives, but today I'm really gonna focus on that question in regards to relationships and that question in regard to your job, and it really could probably apply in other areas.
5m 23s
Kayla Rain
But I think I'm going to focus in on those two pieces because I personally have experience in both of those areas. And just last week I announced on the podcast that I am changing jobs. And I'm so excited about that. So I really went through this experience quite recently. It's really fresh. It's on my mind. And I know that there are people out there right now today trying to figure out, should I stay in the situation I'm in, try and work through it, try and give it one more shot, try and figure things out, or should I leave? Should I go? And there's not always an easy answer to that.
6m 4s
Kayla Rain
Every situation is going to be different, but we can use the law of attraction to our benefit to help us figure this out. And so I want to get into this topic. So before we really dive into the nitty gritty of it, let me ask you, Adria, have you ever been in a situation where you've asked yourself, should I stay or should I go,
6m 25s
Adria Sha
Oh my gosh. Yes. When have I not been in one of those situations is a better question.
6m 31s
Kayla Rain
Sometimes it's obvious. Sometimes you just, know, no, I've got it. I, I need to go, but more often than not, especially if it's not easy leaving either because there's emotions involved or there's kids involved or, you know, leaving a job, it's not necessarily easy to leave until you have something else set up and it can be tricky to try and find another job while you're in a job, because how do you interview? And there's all of these pieces where it's not necessarily black and white. So I want to talk about that today. And the first piece that I want to get across to our listeners is that when you take any type of action, whenever you make a decision and you do something, if you are not first in alignment, if you're not hooked up with your inner being, if you're not personally aligned, whatever decision you make, whatever action you take will never have a positive outcome.
7m 32s
Kayla Rain
Never. That doesn't mean that it won't be relief for the short term. It doesn't mean it won't feel better for the short term, but if you are not in alignment, when you make that decision, or when you take that action, it will never turn out well. So before I explain that, Adria, what does that mean to you? When I say that, what, how do you interpret what I just said?
7m 54s
Adria Sha
Well I'm thinking back to times that I made decisions and I definitely wasn't in alignment and you're a hundred percent, right? So I'm wondering why we're having this conversation now. Instead I needed this conversation 18 months ago.
8m 12s
Kayla Rain
That's so funny. That's so funny! Well, it's your... one day you can look back and say, I'm so glad we had that conversation.
8m 19s
Adria Sha
Yeah, that's right. Maybe now it's the perfect time.
8m 23s
Kayla Rain
But here's, here's the truth of it. It doesn't necessarily mean the decision to stay or go. I'm not saying that that's the, the move. What I'm saying is even just deciding to go into a new relationship or deciding to begin a new job or take a new job. If you're not in alignment, when you make that decision or when you take that action and notice I'm saying the word action, because this is means you're actually doing something. If you're not in alignment, it's not going to work out. And let's talk about why that is. If you are looking for a new relationship and you're not in alignment, number one, you're probably desperate for a relationship like you just want somebody.
9m 9s
Kayla Rain
So you're probably more likely to settle, more likely to just attach yourself to the first willing person that comes along, that you're somewhat attracted to. And so you could feel temporary relief or excitement or enthusiasm or think, "Oh my gosh, this is amazing. This person is amazing!" And then as the newness wears off and you settle into what you actually attracted or the relationship that you're in, you may see that this is not at all what you were looking for in a relationship or the kind of person you were looking for in a relationship because you weren't in alignment, you were making a decision out of desperation.
9m 52s
Kayla Rain
Now let's talk about it in relation to a job. If you're looking for a job and you're not in alignment, you're probably desperate. You're probably like, "I freaking need a new job." Like "I, I just, I just need somebody to hire me." Like, "I need a paycheck. I need to work." Well, you're not in alignment if that's your emotion. So the job you're attracting is not your ideal job. Your job is "I will take anything." And then you get into this job and it doesn't turn out to be something that you really want. And so understand that when you're in that situation of, should I stay or should I go, whether it's a relationship or whether it's a job in either case, the first thing you need to kind of ask yourself is, do you need to look backwards and say, "Was I in alignment when I entered this relationship?
10m 42s
Kayla Rain
" "Was I in alignment when I took this job?" Because that number one will tell you, if you attracted what you wanted, if you attracted what you were looking for now, for those listeners, that don't know what I mean when I say alignment, you need to go back and listen to episode 018. It's titled Alignment because in episode 018, that whole episode talks about what it means to be in alignment. But what it means is you're hooked up with your inner being. You are at your core, completely pure, positive energy. You are the person that you innately want to be. And you, the person you are at your core, your inner being only wants good things for you only is love and positivity and all of these things.
11m 28s
Kayla Rain
So any time in your life that you are complaining, you're negative. You're unhappy. Guess what? You're not in alignment. So when I say, where are you in alignment when you entered this relationship, or when you took that job? You've got to think backwards and think about where you were at in life. When you moved into that stage. Were you in this great, positive, beautiful place where you didn't necessarily need a relationship, you didn't necessarily need to meet someone, but you just happened to meet this amazing, incredible, wonderful person? Well, yeah, you probably were in alignment and you probably did attract exactly what you were looking for. If you weren't even looking for it. And they say, that's how it happens, right?
12m 10s
Kayla Rain
They say it's until you stop looking that you find... It's doesn't happen until you stop looking that you find someone, that's being in alignment. But if you were just got out of a bad relationship and you were so hurt and so depressed or so broken, and this person swept you off your feet and saved the day and took care of you and took you in. Yeah. That can feel like, "Oh my gosh, this is an amazing person!" But guess what? You weren't in alignment when that person came into your life. So even though they might've been what you needed in that moment, they aren't what you needed in the longterm.
12m 47s
Kayla Rain
So the answer to that question alone can help you decide, should I stay rr should I go? Because if you were not in alignment, when you made the decision, there's no way that you will have a positive result or a positive outcome for the long run. Okay. So that's not me saying, okay, so there's your answer, the end, go get out. That's not the end of the story, but that is the starting point. So Adria, can you think back on some of the decisions that you've made, maybe even just the job that you're in right now, and you don't have to say it's about the job, because I realize I'm putting you on the spot. Let's not choose that. You pick something in your mind.
13m 31s
Kayla Rain
Don't tell us what the situation is, but think about a situation or a past relationship or a past job or something. Think about it. And tell me, can you think backwards and know for certain that you either were in alignment or you were not in alignment, can you kind of think backwards and say that?
13m 47s
Adria Sha
Yeah, definitely. I'm thinking about a relationship and it makes sense why it was unsatisfactory in the end, because I see now that I entered it for all the wrong reasons and definitely was not in alignment when I entered this relationship.
14m 7s
Kayla Rain
Okay. And I think that's great because it is easier as they always say, hindsight is 20/20 foresight is blind. Right? So if you can look backwards and say, okay, yeah, I can see, no, I was not in alignment. It's a lot easier to look backwards and say that to then, to look forward and say, "Yes, I'm in alignment. This is perfect." And then step forward in that direction, that would be wonderful if we always knew, but truly you do, because you'll know if you're in alignment by the way that you feel, if you feel good, if you are positive and you're loving, and life is beautiful and everything's flowing for you, you're in alignment. If you're sitting around complaining about anything or anyone.
14m 49s
Kayla Rain
And honestly, if you're in the situation where you're, "Well, I don't know, should I stay? Or should I go?" There's probably something wrong, which is why you're asking that question. So whatever's wrong if you're sitting around talking about it, if you're complaining about it, if you're stressing about it, if you're worried about it, you're not in alignment because none of those emotions are in alignment. So even if you decide, you want to go, or you should go, or you need to go, here's the next piece, don't go until you're in alignment. The first thing you should do is get aligned. Because as soon as you go, you're going to attract the same thing all over again.
15m 30s
Kayla Rain
So sometimes it feels like, "Oh, my life would just be so easier. So much easier. If I just got out of this negative situation. If I just left this negative situation, everything will be better!" And yes, you probably will get some instant relief just by leaving. Yes. But once again, you're making a decision, not being in alignment. And so you're not ultimately going to have a positive result or outcome. And until you deal with you, until you are in alignment and you're a happy person, and you can focus on making your life good. And it's not about this situation, it's not about this person.
16m 10s
Kayla Rain
It's not about whatever's going on. You can find joy in the now until you're there, you will continue to attract the same situation over and over and over again. So you could leave that relationship and you'll eventually find yourself in another relationship with the same issues. Adria, have you ever known someone that you feel like just finds themselves having the same issue over and over again, like someone who maybe is in an abusive relationship and they get out of that relationship and then the next relationship they have, eventually it becomes abusive and then they get out of that relationship. And the next one becomes abusive. Tell me, do you know anyone like that?
16m 52s
Adria Sha
Yeah, Absolutely. And I've always wondered why that happens and why people don't sense that and run the other way.
16m 59s
Kayla Rain
Well, number one, that we go seek what feels natural, right? And we do kind of just tend to attract the same things over and over again. Some of that is an issue of self-worth, but at the end of the day, the real truth is that person never gets aligned. They never get to a state themselves where they are happy, where they're joyful, where they see their self-worth, where they don't need another person where they value themselves, where they know that life is good and they can be single for the rest of their life. And they'll be fine. And then they meet this incredible fabulous person and decide, no, this person's so amazing.
17m 40s
Kayla Rain
Yes. I want to spend time with them. Yes. It's worth giving up my wonderful single life all by myself. If somebody is not there, if they don't deal with their issues and get to a place where they are happy on their own. And so many people never deal with anything, they just jump from one relationship to the next relationship, to the next relationship. And they never resolve anything. They will continue to attract the same things over and over and over again. So let me ask you this question. When it comes to jobs, have you ever known anyone who has issues at work and then they leave their job. And then after a period of time, they have issues in their next job or their next job.
18m 21s
Kayla Rain
Sometimes it's the same issue. Sometimes it's not, but it could just be that they feel undervalued or they feel mistreated. You could just be like, they constantly get picked over for promotions, or they constantly, you know, maybe it's even sexual harassment. You know, it could be some woman who, every job she goes to the guys just treat her like, she's a piece of meat. You know, there are times when you see people just reliving the same experience over and over again. And the whole point is we talked about this on a, on an episode a while back, but people take the story with them when you leave.
18m 58s
Kayla Rain
If you don't stop talking about it, you take it with you. Even if the issue really is that person in that job, if you leave and you take the story with you, if you tell people why you left, if you think about why you left, if you feel bad about how they treated you after you left, if you spend any time putting any negative energy into the story of why you left, you're carrying that story forward. And it might not be with that person anymore, but you're attracting more of the same thing that you just left and you will really have that experience over and over and over again.
19m 39s
Kayla Rain
So going back to what I said, understand that the very best thing you can do, even if you decide to leave is work on getting yourself aligned. And we've talked about how do you do that? Well, the best thing you can do is work on being happy. You've got to stop complaining, you've got to stop talking about it. You've got to figure out a way to see the positives in every situation. So let's go back to where I started, which was asking yourself, where are you aligned when you entered into this relationship? Were you aligned when you decided to take the job? Let's say the answer is yes. "Yeah. I was aligned. I was in a good place when I met this person."
20m 23s
Kayla Rain
But you're still at a place where you're asking yourself, "Should I stay or should I go?" So something's changed. Something's changed from when you entered into this relationship to where you are today and whatever's changed. You need to understand if you were aligned, you attracted what you wanted. It probably still is what you want. But the reason that you're not feeling good is because you're not in alignment right now. I'm going to say that again. The reason that you're not feeling good is you're not in alignment right now. And so we've talked about that before that any time that you're complaining about anything, it doesn't even have to be about the same topic.
21m 8s
Kayla Rain
Anytime that you're complaining about having to sit in the drive-through for too long and you're stuck and you can't get out and you're going to be late to something. Anytime someone cuts you off while you're driving and you complain about it. Anytime you have to go to an event or a barbecue or something that you really don't want to stay at, or you don't get invited to something you wanted to be invited to, or, or whatever the case may be, anytime that you are feeling bad. And you're thinking about those things, and you're complaining about those things. You're not in alignment, period.
21m 41s
Kayla Rain
So when you feel bad, the only reason that you feel bad is the thoughts that you're thinking. Don't match up with your inner being. Because remember your inner being is only love and pure positive energy. Your inner being at its core is goodness. And so when you, you have these thoughts that are unhappy and, "Oh my gosh, I feel so stuck." "Oh, I don't want to do that." "Oh, this is so much work!" "Oh, I wish this person would be different." "Why didn't they invite me?" "Why aren't they including me?" "Why do I have to go do this?" "Why are they being this way?" "Why didn't they clean up after themselves?" Those thoughts, they're not love.
22m 27s
Kayla Rain
They're not pure positive energy. And so the reason you feel bad is that you're in conflict with yourself, but we have a tendency to put it on the other person. And we say, "They didn't clean up after themselves." "They made me feel bad." "They said that they would rather go to the ball game with their friends and hang out with me." "They hurt my feelings." No, they didn't hurt your feelings. You hurt your feelings. You're the person that took what they said and decided "I don't like that." And "I'm going to feel bad." Well, the only reason you feel bad is that you're not hooked up with your inner being because your inner being is love. And your inner being would be like, "Oh, well, if they want to go to the game, then they should go the game.
23m 12s
Kayla Rain
And I'm okay with that. Because there's something I like to do that they don't like to do. And I'll go do that thing. I'll spend my free time doing this." I'm not saying just accept and tolerate anything from anyone. But what I'm saying is if you entered that relationship and you were completely in alignment and it was absolutely everything that you wanted, don't give up on the relationship because the problem isn't the relationship. The problem is you. The problem is until you can be happy, until you can recognize that it's not the other person hurting you.
23m 49s
Kayla Rain
It's not the other person doing anything. It's you interpreting what they're doing or they're saying, and making yourself feel bad. And the only reason you feel bad is you're not in alignment, until you can be in a positive place, it's still going to feel bad. But when you get into a positive place, when you get in alignment, guess what? The relationship is going to improve. Now, we also talked on a past episode about looking for the positives we talked about this in our episode on pivoting. We talked about any time you find something you don't like, it instantly tells you what you want. So anytime you see something you don't want, like, "I don't like how this person is treating me."
24m 34s
Kayla Rain
It automatically tells you what you do want. "I want them to treat me like this." So we talked in that episode about recognizing what it is you do want. And instead of focusing on what you don't want, which is, "I don't want them to treat me like this. I don't want them to do this. I don't want them to act that way." Focus on what you do want. Focus on, "I love it when they treat me well!" "I love when he compliments me." "I love when he wants to spend time with me. I love... Doesn't that feel so much better than "I wish he would be nicer to me." "Why does he say those things?" "Why doesn't he clean up after himself?" "He doesn't love me."
25m 14s
Kayla Rain
"He doesn't care." Well, I'll go back to our episode on the work and do the work and find out why you feel that way. But the truth isn't that he doesn't love you. I promise you. That's not the case in this situation. It's you saying those things to yourself, which makes you feel bad because you're out of alignment. And so when you can actually find a way to be happy, not only are you going to attract more of these things, but when you focus on the things you do like about the person, when you look for the good, when you focus on the good, when you look at your job and you say, "Okay, maybe this is not the situation I want."
25m 57s
Kayla Rain
Understand, there's a reason you took this job. Maybe it has a great schedule. Maybe it has great pay. Maybe it's close to home. There's all of these situations. So I've talked about this kind of in generalities, but I'm going to get into some specifics of my own life and my own situation. But for before I go there, Adria, do you have any thoughts or comments on anything that I've said up to this point?
26m 21s
Adria Sha
I do actually have a burning question.
26m 23s
Kayla Rain
Okay.
26m 23s
Adria Sha
So it seems to me that if a person is completely in alignment, that they could find a way to be happy in any situation. So if that's the case, then that negates the reason to leave, right? Like...
26m 40s
Kayla Rain
Yes and no.
26m 42s
Adria Sha
Okay.
26m 43s
Kayla Rain
It's okay. First of all, and we haven't hit on this, but I want to make sure we do. You could be in a situation that is abusive and it doesn't matter if you can find the joy in that situation, you should not keep yourself in that situation. So just black and white: if you were in an abusive situation, particularly if it's physical abuse, but even if it's mental abuse, if you are in an abusive situation, you do need to leave. You need to get out of that situation, period. You should not stay there, but you still need to get an alignment before you move to your next relationship before you move on, like you should get out today. Don't wait if you're in an abusive situation go.
27m 25s
Kayla Rain
So yes, you're right. If you're in alignment, you could find a way to be loving and be like understanding and try and see the good in the person and the things in all of it. Yeah, you could, but don't, don't do that. And it's too much work. It's too much work to stay in alignment in that sort of situation. So that would be one scenario. Another scenario would be, yeah if you're in alignment, you could find yourself happy in any situation, but that doesn't mean that you're in what you want. If that makes sense, it's kind of like always want more for yourself. We always want the best. So if you started out and you attracted a situation that was not the desired job, it was not the desired relationship. If you're in alignment, you could still find a way to be happy and stay there, but why would you settle? Why would you not find alignment? And it appreciate it for what it is while looking for what you really do want, does that make sense? Or is that not clear?
28m 24s
Adria Sha
Yeah, that makes sense. That's helpful. So thank you.
28m 26s
Kayla Rain
Because think about it, let's say that you attracted a job that you like, and it's okay. And there's some good things about it, but it doesn't pay anywhere near what you really would like for pay. You could find a way to be happy and stay in that job, but why would you stay longterm if really you believe you're worth more or you want to make more, like, why would you stay forever? If you could attract a job that paid, you know, double that or three times that or whatever. So it's like, yeah, you could be happy because you're in alignment. You can find all the positive things and learn to be happy in the situation. And that is the way to attract the next and better situation is to be happy with what you have, but don't settle. Don't settle for less than what you want. So that's why I say yes and no, when you ask that question. Thank you for bringing that up. And if you have a burning question, you can totally interrupt!
29m 18s
Adria Sha
No, that's helpful. Thank you.
29m 22s
Kayla Rain
Okay. So I'm going to talk about the situation that I was in with my current job. So when I took the job I had been, I had been working as a train conductor, an assistant train conductor. I mentioned that I had been laid off due to COVID and I had been looking for work and I had been unemployed for several months and because of just kind of the loop hole I fell in, I wasn't with the railroad long enough to qualify for railroad unemployment, but because I was hired by the railroad and they have separate unemployment, I didn't qualify for normal unemployment.
30m 3s
Kayla Rain
So I actually didn't get any unemployment. And then it was also this loophole where I didn't get the, the COVID relief bill, where people who, you know, worked events and were self-employed and stuff. I didn't fall into that place either. So I spent several months literally unemployed making no money. And so when I found this job that I'm now leaving, it felt heaven sent, it felt like an answer to my prayers. And it was in alignment with so much of who I am that I just was like, "Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I've been asking for! This, everything that happened leading up to this was probably leading me to this job!" You know, and it felt so perfect.
30m 53s
Kayla Rain
And as we know, without getting into details, there were things that occurred and happened through my time at this job where I felt like, okay, maybe this isn't what I thought it was. Maybe this is not the perfect situation. And so I found myself asking myself, "Okay, I don't know if it's me and I've, I just need to like, just see the good in the situation. And I just need to, you know, look for the positives. And I, I it's, I'm the one that has an issue." Like I kept feeling like, "no, this was so perfect in the beginning. I it's me. It's, it's not the job, there's something wrong." And so I kept convincing myself to stay, but then things would happen and a situation would occur and it would flip me, you know, upside down in my emotions. And I would be like, "No, I can't do this. I'm not staying..." So I was back and forth and back and forth, which obviously means I was not staying in alignment, but I was really feeling torn about whether or not to stay or whether or not to go. And it was not until I really sat down and asked myself, "Were are you in alignment when you attracted this job?" Because if you were then the issue is you. The issue is you just need to learn to be happy. And when you're happy, everything will work itself out. Like it's the issues you you're out of alignment. But if the answer is no, you were not allowing... aligned when you attracted this job, then I'll go back to the first thing I said, when you take an action by not first aligning yourself, if you aren't aligned, when you take that action, you will never have a positive outcome. You'll never ultimately have a positive result. So I really had to think about it because my first response would have been, "Yes, I was in alignment!" And it felt like that because it felt so perfect in the beginning. So it would be easy to look back and be like, "Yeah, I was in alignment." But if I'm really honest with myself, I was pretty desperate. I had been unemployed with no money, no unemployment, no nothing for four or five months.
33m 12s
Kayla Rain
And truly, I probably would have taken almost any job that had decent pay, decent schedule. That wasn't like working in a factory or something. I probably would have. This, I just happened to stumble across this one. And so when I really got honest with myself, I recognized, "No, I was not in alignment when I took this job." So I did take a job that felt good in the beginning, but it makes sense that in the end it hasn't worked out to be perfect. And why I keep having this like, rollercoaster about it because I keep finding myself happy and then something occurs and then I make myself happy again, and then something occurs.
33m 54s
Kayla Rain
And so that's where I recognize. Okay. Yes. It's time to go. It is time to go, but I'm not just going to go. I'm not just going to trick myself into thinking. If I leave, if I walk away, everything's going to be better. No, I've got to get myself in alignment. So the next place I go to is what I'm looking for. And so yes, the best time to find a job is when you're already employed, it's easier to make that transition. But what I started doing was looking for the positive attributes in my current job. And there are a lot, there are a lot of really good things about the job I've been doing, and I've spoke very highly of my current job on the podcast because I really have been working on feeling good about my job and looking for the positives.
34m 44s
Kayla Rain
And the funniest thing happened, Adria. I mentioned this to you outside of the podcast, but I was so focused on the positive things about my job, that even though I was applying for other things and kept interviewing for different companies and different other things, I got to a point where I forgot why I was leaving. And it was the strangest thing because I kept like, realizing like "My job is so good. Why am I going?" And you know why that happened? It happened because I was in alignment. It wasn't that my job actually changed or anything changed. What changed was me and my attitude about it. And so I really did, and it did not stop me from looking because I knew there was a good reason.
35m 28s
Kayla Rain
And I knew I had flip-flopped so many times that even if I went back to staying eventually I would decide again, maybe I should go. Maybe I should go. Maybe I should stay, maybe I should go. So, but it was just this funny, like peaceful place where I did not feel stressed about leaving. I did not feel stressed about finding another job because number one, I still had one, but number two, I found the joy in the now. I recognized and started to appreciate all of the things that I have going on in my current job that made the day to day, not stressful, not difficult. And to the point where I was so focused on the good that I forgot all of the bad I really did.
36m 12s
Kayla Rain
And Dan's brought it up a couple of times, he'll say, "we'll remember this and well, aren't you glad about it?" And then I'll remember, and I'll be like, "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." But it's wonderful. It's wonderful to see how good my situation is and feel good leaving. And I truly believe that the job that I'm going to is a job where I am in alignment when I'm going into that decision and I will have a positive outcome. And anytime I don't feel good about that job, I can now look back in hindsight and say, the issue is you, Kayla, it's not the job. The issue is you. If you're not feeling good about something, it's because you're out of alignment. It's not because this is not the right job. And so for me, that was a huge learning experience to go from that flip-flop place of, I don't know, should I stay and then becoming happy and then becoming unhappy and then becoming happy and then becoming unhappy to really getting some clarity on, "Did I actually attract something from a place of alignment?" And when the answer became, no, I attracted it out of scarcity out of fear, out of desperation, then it became quite clear to me, okay, this is not ultimately what you want. Go find what you want, but before you do get in alignment, does that make sense?
37m 34s
Adria Sha
Yeah, it does. It really helps illustrate the point.
37m 37s
Kayla Rain
Okay. So that's my most recent experience, but I'm going to give a little bit of explanation on my last relationship before the one I'm in, because I've referred to that a couple of times on the podcast, and I'm not going to go into big details and specifics on it. But for listeners that have heard a little bit before, I was in that relationship for seven years and I should have left it long before I did, I really should have, but I had been so invested for so long that when things got bad and when I was unhappy, I really kept going back to, "But I've put in so many years, I've put in so much time. I love this person so much. I know they love me. Maybe the issue is me. Maybe I just need to learn to see the positives." And the truth is if I had been in alignment, when I attracted that relationship, then yeah, that probably would have been the case, but I was not in alignment when I attracted that relationship. And I stayed in it far longer than I should have, and it was unhealthy and it was abusive in some respects, but I really was in this place for years, probably three years where I constantly was, should I stay? Should I go? Should I stay? Should I go? And part of where I struggled with that was the person that I was in a relationship with was somewhat unstable. And so I worried about what would happen if I go, where will this person go? What support will they have? What if they do something to themselves? Can I, can I carry the burden of that? If, if they hurt themselves, if, if anything happened, could I live with that? And it was literally this back and forth, emotional turmoil of, I don't know, should I just stay? Should I go, should I stay? Should I go? And I did it for years, but honestly, if I had been able to, at that time, literally look backwards and ask myself, honestly, "Who was I at the time that I entered this relationship? What was my point of attraction? Was I in alignment? Was I this pure, positive, wonderful, healthy, human being who was just loving for all and didn't need a relationship and just found this incredible, amazing person that just made my life so much better. Was I that person? No." And if I could have answered that back then, if I had had the tools and the where with all to ask myself that question, I would have been able to determine way before I ever did that no, this was not a relationship I should stay in.
40m 31s
Kayla Rain
But once again, I'll say it again. If you decide to go, unless you're in an abusive situation where you should go today, and I want to say that again, if you are in an abusive situation, you need to go today. Don't keep yourself there, but do not move on to the next situation. Don't make any other decisions until you get in alignment. And if it's not an abusive situation, if it's just unhappy, if it's just that you don't love the person anymore, you don't feel the same way, or there's just no emotion there. And it's, you're just going through the motions and you just live in the same house, like roommates, you deserve more, you deserve better. There's nothing wrong with that person. They're just not the right person for you. If that's what you attracted, there's no rush to get out of it. First, get yourself in alignment. Look for the positive attributes. Look for the good things in the situation. Look for the good things in the person. And number one, you'll attract more of that. That person. You'll probably stop remembering all the reasons you want to leave the same way I did with my job. But at the same time, you will become in alignment so that when you do leave, you will be in a place where you will be able to leave that situation in your past and not attract it again and again, and again. You will be able to leave that situation and attract the one thing you really are looking for, which is a healthy, loving, romantic, incredible, passionate relationship with someone who is able to bring all of those same things to the table. So that was a learning experience for me. And honestly it took me seven years to get out of that situation.
42m 20s
Kayla Rain
And I will tell you when I left that situation, I didn't date for, I think it was seven or eight months because I literally knew if I jumped into another relationship, I was so broken, I would attract the same thing. I knew it coming out of that relationship. I knew there was something wrong with me. And I said that to myself, I'm like, "There is something wrong with you that allowed yourself to tolerate these things. And until you can figure out why you cannot be in another relationship because you'll do it again." And I was smart enough to know that, and it took me seven or eight months to work through that and figure it out and find myself again and go, "No, I won't tolerate that." And when I started dating, I was of the attitude of like, look, I've been in a seven year relationship. I'm not in any hurry. I'm not in any rush. I don't want anything serious. I don't... Like, I just, I wasn't looking for anything. And it was a few months later that I met Dan. But even when I met Dan, we slow played it. It was, it was kind of humorous because neither of us were looking for a serious relationship. And over time it turned into that, but there was no pressure on things. And so I am in this incredible, passionate, loving relationship. But if I had met Dan right after I had left my other relationship, I promise you I wouldn't have been ready for it. And if I had still entered in a relationship with him, I would not have attracted a positive result. If I hadn't worked on myself first, I would still be that broken person that tolerated all of these things.
44m 4s
Kayla Rain
Adria, give me your thoughts on this conversation. And can you relate to any of this?
44m 10s
Adria Sha
Yeah, I can relate to so much of it having been in relationships or job situations over the course of my life that were unsatisfactory. So I'm, I just have all these thoughts swirling in my head, trying to put everything that I have been through into context. And one thing that keeps coming up for me and I probably need to just revisit the issue of being in alignment, but right now I'm almost feeling like, like, how am I ever going to be lined up enough with my inner being to feel competent enough to commit to something new? Does that make sense? Like I'm looking back at all of the times that I wasn't, and, and it makes me almost leery to commit to anything going forward, because I feel like it's so easy to slip out of that.
45m 11s
Kayla Rain
It is, but the more time you spend aligned, the easier it will be to realign. It's like what we've talked about with steering a ship or steering your car. Like once you get in your lane, it's easy to stay in your lane. But you know, turning a corner, doing a right turn is a lot harder than just like minor movements on the steering wheel to like drive straight, stay in your lane. Don't swerve into the other lane. "Oh, I'm swerving. I took my eyes off the road, swerve back." Like that's way easier. So you will find that as you practice being in alignment, it will be easier to stay in alignment.
45m 49s
Kayla Rain
And that being said, when it comes to the next, let's say relationship, you will, you'll probably be in a place where you don't even necessarily want a relationship or you don't need a relationship that you actually will attract it. And just like I said, with me and Dan, it doesn't mean that the perfect relationship has to slow play it doesn't, it could be passionate and amazing and, and start overnight. I mean, our grandparents, mom's parents were engaged within, like, I dunno it wasn't it like three weeks of meeting or something like, and they were married for 50 something years. Like it's, I could be having those numbers wrong, but it's something crazy like that. So I'm not trying to say that that's the only way that it can happen.
46m 33s
Kayla Rain
But I am saying that when you are in total alignment with yourself, you will learn to love yourself to the point where you almost don't need another person. Like you will just appreciate your free time. And you're, you'll love living by yourself and you'll love, you know, just like, yeah, you might want somebody to travel with and someone to go to a movie with kind of thing, but you will just be in this place of just like, "Oh my gosh, I had no idea how wonderful life could be on my own!" And, and you'll feel empowered and you'll love that you can spend money without having to run it by someone and love that you can make plans without having to run it by someone. And you can go here without getting someone's opinion and you can, you know, and, and then when you start dating, you'll be able to date all of these different people. And that will feel empowering because you'll feel like, "Oh, I don't have to even make a decision. I don't have to be attached to anyone. I can go out with this person. Then I can go out with this person." And that's when you're in alignment, because you're just enjoying life. You're just having fun. And you have to find that self-love and I promise you when you get there, when the person that you really do want, when the relationship that you really do want enters your life, it's going to be this like knock you off your feet experience, where you're going to recognize this is unlike anything I've ever experienced, meaning this person and this feeling, or this situation is so different than anything I've ever experienced.
48m 8s
Kayla Rain
That will be where you feel like, okay, maybe I want to give it a little bit more time and attention. And as you do that, and they're giving it back to you, over time it will develop into something where you almost don't even have to make that decision until maybe they propose, but it doesn't have to be this conscious, "Yes, I'm in a committed relationship with you." Those things often just evolve and turn into that. But when you're in alignment, it doesn't have to start out as this whole, like, "Yes, I'm going to be exclusive and I'm only going to date you." It, it literally can be just this incredible person comes into your life. And you're so drawn to them. And the connection that you have with them, is just, just so wonderful. And I'm not even talking physical and it could be physical, but I'm just saying that there will come a day that you will meet someone and it will feel entirely different than anything you've ever felt before. And not necessarily like, "Oh, I feel 10 times stronger for them." I don't even mean it like that. It will just feel so unique. And so unrelatable to any other experience you've had that that will almost be your sign. That like, "Oh my gosh, this is what I was looking for. And I recognize that it feels different."
49m 25s
Kayla Rain
And part of why it will feel different is because you'll be different. You will love yourself more and you'll be in alignment, but a person that's in alignment will attract another person that's in alignment. And two people in alignment are crazy, powerful together! And I will tell you, it feels different. And until you experience that, you won't know what I'm talking about, but I promise there's going to be people listening to this who go, "Yes, I completely agree. I know what she's talking about." And I will say that Dan and I say that all the time that our relationship is unlike any other relationship we've ever been in. And there's a lot of reasons for that. I'll tell you, one of the big reasons is this is the first relationship I've ever been in where I put myself first and I don't feel bad about it. And Dan puts himself first and he doesn't feel bad about it.
50m 14s
Kayla Rain
If he wants to go golfing, he doesn't have to ask me permission. He usually will tell me and ask me if I mind, but I don't mind because I go, "He wants to go golfing." And I don't tell him, no, I don't hold him back. I let him do what he wants to do. And then I do what I want to do. But you know what? We care much about each other. That isn't what we do more often than spend time together. That's not often, it's not normal. We spend so much time together. And we live in this tiny little house where we like are never separated and we constantly can touch each other from each corner of the house because the house is so small. Like literally we spend so much time together that if he wants to go golfing, I fully support it. And I'm like, "Yes, go, go do it because you want to do it." And I've never been in that kind of a relationship before. I've always been in a relationship where one of us had to ask permission. We had to see if the other person had plans. We had to check with the other person. You know, I mean, it's, that's just one piece of how our relationship is different, but it is it's completely different. And I feel like for us, that big piece is that we both have learned to appreciate who we are and take care of ourselves so strongly and have committed to ourselves that we're not going to lose ourselves in this relationship. I'm not going to give up who I am for this person that we respect each other for who we are. And we're okay with each of us putting ourselves first, because so much of life, we don't do that. So much of life we put the other person in front of us and then that's the problem is they don't do the same in return. And so we're left feeling taken advantage of, or we have this void. So I don't know if that helps you feel better at all, Adria, but I promise you, you won't have to make this big leap into, "Okay, I'm committed to you" until maybe that person proposes. And even then you don't have to make that commitment if you don't want to, but you'll get to a place when you're completely aligned and you stay there often, where you will just feel so empowered and so happy and life will be incredible. And you'll love yourself. I mean, I said this about me a couple of weeks ago. I said, "I'm my own best friend." It's taken me my whole life to get to that place. And it's only been real recent that I've been able to say that, but I am. I love my alone time because I'm fricking fun! And I love to do the same things I love to do. Like nobody's as fun as me! Nobody's as cool as me. I love all the same things I love!
52m 50s
Adria Sha
No wonder you're your best friend!
52m 52s
Kayla Rain
But no, I recognize it. And I go, you know what? I appreciate my alone time because I get to do exactly what I want to do. And life is so fun! And, and when you're there, when you just love you and you just love life, and you're happy, that's when you'll attract someone who wants those same things for you and wants to support you and who you are, and doesn't want you to change for them. And doesn't want you to have to make concessions for them. And doesn't expect you to put them first and make these huge sacrifices. They're going to want to just support everything that you already love and are doing. And then you're going to want to do the same thing for them. And then that's where it feels natural to move forward in something.
53m 37s
Kayla Rain
And all of that being said, guess what? You can be happy the rest of your life, never going into another relationship. So you don't even have to be scared about that either because I promise you, you can find joy without being in a relationship. So that's fine.
53m 53s
Adria Sha
So yeah, Especially if I'm my own best friend, then I'm the person I'm going to need.
53m 57s
Kayla Rain
Guess what? When you're your own best friend, you don't even have to share ice cream. Like you don't have to share anything.
54m 5s
Adria Sha
That's awesome. That sounds like paradise. I can hog all the pillows and the ice cream.
54m 9s
Kayla Rain
You never run out of hot water because nobody's showered before you, you get the whole bed to yourself, you get all of the ice cream, you get to choose the movie and the restaurant and everything. It's amazing.
54m 25s
Adria Sha
And why do people ever date? That sounds perfect.
54m 29s
Kayla Rain
All right. So I think I've pretty much hit on the things that I wanted to say. Really. The key thing is look for the positive attributes in the situation that you're in and the answer about whether you should stay or whether you should go all comes back around to "Who were you when you entered into this agreement? Who were you when you attracted the relationship? Who were you when you took the job? Where were you at in life?" Because if you were not in alignment, then the answer is you should go, but make sure you're in alignment before you go. And part of getting into alignment is looking for the positive attributes of the situation that you're in.
55m 11s
Kayla Rain
Look for the good. Feel good. Get to a place of joy, get to a place of love, get to a place of appreciation and then leave and you'll attract better. And you won't relive that situation over and over again. So Adria, that leads me to our action item and our action item is I want you and our listeners to pick either your relationship, if you're in one and if you're not, then your job. And if you can't relate to either one of those, if you're unemployed and don't have a relationship, then I guess you have to think outside the box and think of something you can relate this to, but pick one or the other and ask yourself that question.
55m 56s
Kayla Rain
"Was I in alignment when I attracted this job or this relationship?" So that's the action item. And if the answer is yes, then good for you, good for you. You attracted what you wanted. But that being said, take a minute, probably more than a minute, a couple minutes, remind yourself of all of the positive things about that thing. You attracted. Just appreciate it for a few minutes. Spend some time thinking about how wonderful that relationship is and spend some time thinking about how wonderful that job is. Even if you're not asking yourself right now, if you should just spend time and just appreciate be in gratitude for what you attracted and what you have. And if the answer is no. And even if you weren't thinking about whether or not you should stay, or you should go, I hope this isn't pushing you to be like, "Oh crap. I got to leave my job!"
56m 47s
Adria Sha
Mass Exodus in two weeks. Everyone's looking for a new job!
56m 52s
Kayla Rain
Everybody quits. No, but like I said earlier, make sure you're not settling. But if the answer is no, no, you were not in alignment when you took this job. No, you were not in alignment when you attracted this relationship, then work on getting yourself in alignment before you make your next move. Just same thing either situation, no matter what the answer is, look for the positive attributes. Find things to be grateful for in the moment, focus on that, get in alignment. And then the next step will present itself. So that's our action item and Adrian that leads us to our reviews.
57m 33s
Kayla Rain
So we have a giveaway. Do you want to tell our listeners about our giveaway? Okay.
57m 38s
Adria Sha
Yes. Each week we draw someone who has, we draw a name from those who have left us review, and that person gets a custom bracelet with their theme word of the year.
57m 51s
Kayla Rain
That's right. So basically folks, we want you to leave reviews. That's how we grow. And even if you don't want a bracelet, guess what? You don't have to have a bracelet. If you don't want a bracelet, tell us you don't want to be a winner. You don't even have to tell us. You can just never respond to us. And that's okay, but we still want your reviews. We want to know, are you getting any benefit out of this? Are we helping you? Do we drive you crazy? We want to hear from you. So please leave us a review. And from those that leave reviews, we will choose one winner every week to get a custom bracelet with your theme word for the year. If you don't know what we're talking about, then go listen to episode one, where we talk about your theme word for the year, but these are unisex bracelets. Anyone can wear them. And each week we'll draw a winner.
58m 41s
Kayla Rain
So this week's winner is another older review from when our podcast first released. This one is TJ Bala. TJ Bala left us a review on Apple podcasts and TJ Bala send us an email at Hello@AttractItWithWase.com. Tell us your theme word for the year and your address. And we will mail you your custom bracelet, but yes, listeners, please leave us reviews. Please share our podcast with others. We really are here trying to help you, trying to help others grow, help, get the word out. If you got some value out of this episode or any of the others, share it with your friends, spread the word and leave us a review and let us know how we're doing.
59m 23s
Kayla Rain
So that's it for this week, Adria. Thank you once again! I had so much fun chatting with you and I can't wait to talk with you next week.
59m 27s
Adria Sha
Oh, it was great. Thank you.
59m 26s
Kayla Rain
Thank you. Bye-bye bye
