S2.E2: Not Needing To Talk
In life we have a tendency to try to win people over, get them on our side or justify our decisions. Have you ever considered just not? Not talking? Not Justifying? Not Explaining yourself? In this episode Kayla explains that you don’t actually have to tell people anything you don’t want to and you don’t have to rationalize any of your decisions, you have the right to do things simply because you want to. There’s no better reason than that!
I am just the girl next door who believes that the purpose of life is to enjoy, create, and have fun. I believe that as humans, we can have anything we want and things are always working out for us. Experience has taught me that the path to getting everything you want begins with ease. If you believe in miracles and happily ever after, or even if you just want to, then this is the podcast for you.
Hi there. I'm your host, Kayla Rain, and welcome back to Attract It With Ease. In this week's episode, I wanna talk about our incessant need for feedback. What I mean is that we constantly are seeking the approval from other people. We're looking to justify our actions and get people to understand us and buy into our thought processes.
We feel like we have to tell everybody our business, and we have to get people on board with us. Well, guess what? This week I'm going to help you understand that you don't need the feedback. You can live your life for yourself, and you no longer have to justify your actions and your decisions. But before we get into that conversation, I wanna share with you my gratitude this week. I have so much to be grateful for, and I'll tell you, there's a couple things that really came to the forefront of my mind when I was thinking about my gratitude this week.
The very first thing is my family calls. My family started doing a weekly family call during the pandemic when we couldn't see each other, when we couldn't go anywhere, we were all stuck at home. We started doing a weekly call, and crazy enough, we have maintained it and we don't have a call every single week, but we have a call almost every single week, and various people can make it at different times. I probably only make it on the call about once a month, but yesterday I was able to join the family call and oh, was it so much fun?
We had some just exciting conversation. We talked about how each person was doing, we updated each other on our lives. But then as we continued to talk, we've shared stories about family members. We even got into the conversation of AI and each other's opinions on the direction that that's going. And I just have to say that I love my family and I love that we have stayed in contact with each other this way. I live probably eight or nine hours away from my family, so I literally see them in person maybe once, if I'm lucky, possibly twice a year.
Yet I feel like I stay connected to my family because of these family calls, and I'm just so grateful for that. The second thing that I'm grateful for this week is on that same vein, and it's my sisters. And I think I've shared that in my gratitude a few times over the years, but I truly absolutely am so grateful for my sisters. I have four sisters, and we're all so different and our lives are incredibly busy and crazy, and yet somehow we're able to stay in touch and we are each other's very best friends, and I love that we use the app, Marco Polo, and we send each other video messages back and forth.
And I just love that I can literally say that my four sisters are my best, best friends. I'm so grateful for them. I love that when I'm going through something, I have someone I can share it with and talk to about it. I love that they can throw crazy questions at me and ask for my input. And I'll tell you my opinion is usually different than the rest of theirs. And it's kind of funny in that sense because we're all just so different and the way that we live our lives is so different, and yet I'm so grateful for them.
And I don't know what I would do without sisters. The third thing that I'm grateful for this week is homemade meals. Now, this is something that I totally took for granted until I moved into a tiny house. Now I no longer live in my tiny house, but I did for three and a half years, and it's only been four months that I've been back in a traditional home and have a full kitchen to be able to cook and create dinners. My husband, Daniel, he cooks too. He's a really good chef.
I'm not a chef. I'm more of a baker. So there's a couple things that I make and there's a lot of things that he makes and we kind of work together to make homemade meals. But man, is it nice to be able to plan a dinner, go grocery shopping, and just have a full gourmet kitchen, literally gourmet kitchen to prepare our meals then. And I am so, so grateful for that. Alright, let's get into this week's topic.
I wanna talk about not needing to talk. And that's so funny because here I am talking to all of you. Whoever out there is listening to me. But what I wanna talk to you about is just not needing to talk. And what do I mean by that? What I mean is that we have a tendency to wanna tell everyone everything that's going on with us, and we feel this need to justify and have people buy into our decisions.
We wanna win people over. We wanna tell people what we're doing. We wanna share the news. We want to just get people's feedback. And the truth of the matter is that no matter what we say, no matter what our reasons are, no matter what our justification is, there's always going to be people out there that are going to judge us and that are not going to agree with us. And so I want us, I want you to learn to stop doing that. I want you to learn to do things for you.
I want you to learn that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You don't have to justify your decisions. You can live life for you because this life is your life. Your life is your life. No one else is going to live your life. You are the only person that you're going to spend your entire life with. And yet you care so much about what your family thinks, what your significant other thinks, what your boss thinks, what your coworkers think, what your neighbors think, what your children think, what your children's friends parents think, what the soccer parents think.
We care about what people think, and we really should not care what people think. And the other piece of that is when people ask us why, when someone asks you why you don't have to explain yourself. There is nothing in life that says, when someone asks you why, that you have to tell them. Why do we tell them? Why do we feel that when someone asks us why we're doing something that we have to respond and we have to give an answer and it needs to be a good answer, and we need to win them over, and we need to get some sort of justification for our choices and our life and our decisions.
I want you to think about that this week. I want that to soak in. I want you to think about why do you feel the need to respond to why? I'm gonna pose a bunch of situations to you today. I'm gonna talk about the kinds of questions that people ask us that we feel we need to respond to. We feel we need to justify, we feel we need to give an excuse or a reason. And the fact of the matter is we don't have to tell them.
And you don't have to have a reason. You don't even have to know why. You are allowed to make decisions for you. You are allowed to decide what's right for you, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. So let's talk about some of those conversations. People will ask you why you're doing certain things or they're gonna ask you why you aren't doing certain things. Why are you not going to this person's graduation?
Why are you not going to that party? Why are you staying late after work? Why are you not staying late after work? Why are you cutting bangs? I literally keep debating about cutting bangs. And I'm sure just the fact that I say that there are women out there that are listening to this and they're like, don't do it. Don't do it. That's what they always say, right? Don't cut your bangs, don't do it. And whether or not I do it, I don't know.
But guess what? I shouldn't have to justify that. And if I make a decision and it's something that I regret, that is something that I have to live with. And I don't need to hear from someone I told you so I told you not to do it. So guess what? I'm saying it on the podcast, but I'm not telling anyone else in my personal life. I'm not even telling people that I'm considering it because somebody, if not everybody, is going to have an opinion on it. And I don't want what someone else thinks to be the reason that I do something or the reason that I don't do something.
Because guess what? It's my life. I get to decide and I should decide because it's something I want or I should decide because it's something I don't want. And I really want these words to soak in. I want it to soak in for you. I want you to make decisions based off of what you want and not what someone else thinks. So someone could ask you, why do you wear your hair that way? Why don't you wear your hair that way? I really think you should bleach your hair.
I really think you should go back to your natural color. I really think you should have facial hair. I really think you should shave your facial hair. I really think you should shave your armpits. There's so many people out there that have an opinion, a strong opinion about women shaving their armpits or that have an opinion about men shaving their arms or shaving their legs or shaving their head. You know, there's so many people that say, if you have a full head of hair, why in the world would you shave it? And yet, there's men out there that wanna shave their head that don't need to shave their head, but they wanna shave their head.
And why should we have an opinion about that? Why should we care? And why should they have to justify it to you? Why should you have to justify it to them? People are constantly going to ask you why. Let's talk about the subject of children. There are people in this world that don't want kids. There's a lot of people in this world that don't want kids. And you think about it and people have an opinion about that.
There are people who can't have kids and they think, why in the world would someone who can have kids choose not to have kids when there's those of us that can't have them? Now I understand their thinking. I understand where they're coming from. If you're a person that can't have children, you probably wonder why in the world there's people out there that don't want them, but the people that don't want them shouldn't have to justify the fact that they don't want them. And guess what? Someone that doesn't want kids probably shouldn't be a parent because they're not going to be a very good parent if they didn't want the kids in the first place.
How about how long people decide to wait to have children? There's people who get pregnant at 18, people who get married at 18, and there's some people that think that's wonderful, and there's some people that thinks that's crazy and too young, and everybody's gonna have an opinion and somebody's gonna ask why. And it doesn't matter what we say. It doesn't matter what the reason is. If it's not what they believe and it's not what they think and it's not what they want, you're not gonna win them over.
So what does it matter? What the reason is? You don't have to justify. You don't have to explain yourself. You don't even have to talk about it. And guess what? If they bring it up, you don't have to answer. And I, I'm not saying just ignore people. I mean, you can. You totally can. You can ignore people all you want. But if somebody asks you why, you can tell them all kinds of things, you can say, you know, that's stunning your business.
You can say, it's my life and it shouldn't matter why. You can say, I really don't wanna talk about that. You can say so many things aside from trying to justify or explain your decision, because it's not your job to do that. Your job is to do what makes you happy. Your job is to live your life for you and to stop worrying about what anybody else thinks. To stop feeling the need to talk, the need to share the need to get people to believe you, to trust you, to agree with you.
You don't have to get their agreement, you don't have to get their approval. All right? How about your work? What if you hate your job? You wanna quit? What if one day you just get so fed up, you just walk out with no plan, no backup job, no nothing. You don't know what you're gonna do. You just can't handle it anymore and you up and you quit. How many people are gonna have an opinion about that? Everybody.
Everyone is going to have an opinion about that. Everyone is going to think that that is so irresponsible of you to not be able to hold out until you have a replacement. Why should you have to justify that? Why should you have to relive whatever you're going through that was so bad that you walked out? Just so that you can tell somebody the reason you left? Why should you have to do that? You don't have to do that. And it doesn't even have to be a bad situation.
Maybe you just wanna be self-employed. Maybe you're just over it. You shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone. That's not what we're here. We are here to live our lives for ourselves. You are here to live your life for you. Think about your lifestyle, your health. Maybe you're vegan, maybe you're vegetarian, maybe you're not.
Maybe you are overweight and you're obese, and maybe you're okay with that. Should you have to justify those decisions to people? How about the things you decide to eat or the things you decide not to eat? What if you never eat vegetables? What if you just love McDonald's and you go to McDonald's every single afternoon? What if that is your way of treating yourself? What if that is your form of self-care?
Should you have to justify that to anyone? Should you have to hide that? Should you have to explain that? No. Just like if you are on a diet or you're on the eating plan and you feel that you need a hundred grams of protein a day, I don't know. You shouldn't have to explain that to somebody if that's what makes you happy. If that's the choice you've made, that's your choice for you. They don't have to live with that decision.
They don't have to go through the day thinking about the food that you are eating. What doesn't matter to them? It doesn't matter to them. It's not their life. They don't need to have an opinion on it. Nobody needs to give you their opinion. You don't need to hear the opinions that are not in line with what you think and you feel. So why are we putting ourselves through that? Why are we telling people what we're doing? Why are we answering when someone asks us?
Why, why? Why do we feel this obligation to talk about all the things? We don't have to talk about anything. We can talk about the weather. We can talk about sports and flowers and music and funny things that we watched on television or that came up in our social media feed. We can talk about anything, but we don't have to talk about ourselves.
We don't have to answer when somebody asks us something that's none of their business. We don't have to justify and we don't have to win people over. How about our spending habits? How many people do you think would agree with the things that you spend your money on? And I'm not talking about your bills, and maybe it is your bills. Maybe people would question why you would spend so much money on a car payment or why you would spend so much money on your rent or your mortgage.
People would question us. They'd question us. If we're not saving enough, they'd question us. If we have too much credit card debt, they would question us for everything that we're doing that they don't think we should be doing. Question us for what we're putting our money into. You know, are you putting money into a 401k? Someone's gonna have an opinion about that. Are you putting it into stocks? Well, what stocks? Somebody's gonna have an opinion about that. What about cryptocurrency? Are you investing in cryptocurrency?
Somebody's got an opinion about that. Why should you have to tell them? Why should you have to justify it? And what if you don't bring it up and they bring it up? Why are we telling them? Why are we answering why? Who freaking cares? You shouldn't care. They shouldn't care. They shouldn't be asking you in the first place. It's none of their business. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Do what makes you happy.
Make the decisions for you and stop trying to win people over. Stop trying to justify the reasons that you're doing the things that you're doing or why you're not doing the things you're not doing. Stop trying to explain yourself to everyone. You don't have to do that. You're not required. There's no rules, do you? All right. What about tattoos and piercings?
I am a person with a bunch of tattoos like I'm just covered. And I can promise you, there are people that have an opinion about that. People that have an opinion about people with tattoos and people that have an opinion about the type of tattoos. People get tattoos because it's what they want. They don't do it for somebody else, at least most people, I don't think do it for someone else. We get things put on our body because it's what we like, it's what we want. Same with piercings.
It's what we like. It's what we want. And yet there are so many people that are gonna think we're crazy. So many people that don't agree, so many people that think we're ruining our bodies or desecrating our bodies, it's sac religious to get a tattoo or a piercing. There are so many people that have an opinion about what we choose to do with our bodies. Abortion is the prime example. People have an opinion about what we do with our bodies, but guess what?
It's not their opinion to have. People should not have an opinion on what other people do with our bodies. You should be able to tattoo it. You should be able to pierce it. You should be able to eat what you want, work out when you want or not when you want. You should be able to wear your hair how you want. You should be able to get braces if you want. Get plastic surgery if you want, shave if you want. Don't if you don't want.
These are things that people don't have the right to have an opinion, and yet they do. And not only do they have an opinion, but they wanna share it with you and they wanna tell you that you're wrong and they wanna make you feel bad. And maybe that's not really their intention. Maybe nobody truly has the intention of making us feel bad. But guess what it does? Every time someone does not agree with you, and every time someone tells you something in contrast of the decision you've made or the decision you want to make, it makes us feel bad.
It makes us question ourselves. It makes us unhappy. It does not bring joy. It does not fulfill us. It only makes us question, and that is not what we're here for. We are here to make our own dis. We are here to make our own choices. We are here to make our own decisions. We are here to make our own mistakes. And we are here to learn. We're here to grow. We're here to take this life to the next level.
Take your life to the next level. And how are you going to do that if you are just going along doing the things that everybody else thinks you're supposed to be doing? Now, I know you're not. I know you're making decisions, but why are you telling people about it? And if you're not telling people about it, why are you letting them ask you about it? And why are you answering them? Why are you saying, well, you know, I wanna do it because of this and I really think that this is wise and this happened and then this happened, and then I figure if I do it this way, then this will be the result.
You don't have to go there. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Stop explaining yourself. Stop feeling the need to talk. Alright, let's talk about possessions. And I'm not just talking about spending. You know, there's a whole show called Hoarders, and I would be really surprised if there are any hoarders listening to this podcast, but it may be the case.
And if I say something that's offensive to you, that is not my intention, but we all decide what we wanna keep and what we wanna throw away. And this can be the case with sentimental things. This can be the case with things to decorate our home with. This can be things people gift us. This could be mail we receive and coupons. It could be anything. We decide what we keep and we decide what we throw away, and yet other people will have an opinion on that.
Other people will say, your house is too cluttered. Your house is too messy. Why are you keeping that? Why are you hanging onto that? Why do you have all these old pictures? Why do you have these v h s videos when you can convert them? The whole world's moving digital. Why do you still have a CD collection? Whatever the case may be, if that makes you happy, if that brings you joy, stop defending, stop rationalizing, stop justifying all of it to everyone.
Just stop. And when someone asks you why, you just say because, or you say, because I want to. Or you say, you know, that's not really any of your business. Or you say, you know, I don't appreciate those kind of questions because I don't ask you the reason that you make the decisions that you make. You can say whatever the heck you want, but you don't have to answer.
You absolutely do not have to answer. You know, there are so many other things that people are going to have opinions about. They're gonna have opinions about where you vacation, whether or not you bring your kids on vacation. When you tell them where you're vacationing, they're going to have an opinion about where you decided to stay and whether you camped or whether you could have saved more money or whether that was irresponsible of you, and whether or not they think you should have gone elsewhere, they're gonna have an opinion about it.
People are gonna have opinions about your pets. You could decide you want a dog and somebody's gonna have an opinion about why you shouldn't have a dog or how you can't take care of a dog or that you're never home during the day, so why would you get a dog? Or maybe they love dogs, but they think you're getting the wrong dog. You want a big dog and they think you should have a small dog. They're going to have an opinion, and you don't have to justify it. You don't have to answer to it. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.
Am I getting through to you? Is this making sense? I want you to come away from this conversation feeling empowered. I want you to know that when it comes to the law of attraction and attracting the things that we want in life, it is our goal to stay in alignment to vibrate at a match to the thing we're asking for. But every single time we put ourself in a situation where we're justifying or we're rationalizing or talking through it to a person who's not gonna understand, who's not gonna have the same opinion, who's not going to believe the same things you do and is going to try and talk you out of it or talk you through it, that does not make you feel good.
That does not vibrate at a level of joy. What that does is it brings you down and it shifts your vibration from where you've made a decision and you feel good about it to where you question it and you feel bad and you're justifying and you're rationalizing and you're explaining yourself. That is not how we attract more of the good things we want. The way we attract what we want in life is by following our heart, by chasing our dreams, by doing the things that make us feel good, spending our money on the things that we want, eating the things that we want and the way we want, dressing the way that makes us feel good, making decisions for ourselves.
That is one of the best parts of the human existence, is we have the ability to choose. We can choose our thoughts, we can choose our appearance. We can choose our jobs, we can choose our emotions. We can choose our food. We can choose everything. We can choose whether or not we want children. We can choose whether or not to go to college. We can choose whether to work for ourselves or work for someone else. We can choose not to work at all. We can choose to live on the street.
We can choose to live paycheck to paycheck. We can choose to live in a tiny house. We can choose, and that is our right. It is our right to choose. I don't care what country you live in, I don't care what mandates or laws are put upon you. You have the right to choose. You have the right to your opinion, and you don't have to listen to other people's opinions. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You don't have to justify anything that you're deciding.
If you wanna cut banks, cut banks. If you wanna shave your facial hair, do it. If you wanna grow a mullet or dreadlocks, do it. If you wanna get a crazy tattoo of something that someone thinks is stupid, a spaceship or Star Wars or Charlie Brown, I don't care If it makes you happy, do it and don't justify it. Don't explain it.
Don't talk about it. And when somebody asks you why, just say because, or that's none of your business. Or I would really appreciate it if you stayed in your lane. I don't ask you about your life. You don't need to ask me about mine. Change the subject, shift the conversation. Talk about something happy. Talk about something that makes you feel good. Do what makes you feel good. That leads me into this week's action item, and that is to stop needing to talk.
Take back your life, take back your emotions. The way that you do that is number one, stop telling people about what you're doing. You don't have to overshare. You don't have to tell them everything. You don't need to tell them your plans. You don't need to tell them your diet. You don't need to tell them what you had for lunch. You don't need to tell them what you're doing on your time off. You don't need to tell them anything. Keep it to yourself. Keep some secrets. Don't feel the need to tell everybody everything, but the second part of that is when they ask you, when they see your tattoo or they see you cut bangs or they see something or they overhear something and they ask you why?
Why in the world? Why don't you want kids? Why don't you like animals? Why don't you love cats? When they ask you those questions, don't feel obligated to answer. In fact, I encourage you to not answer. I encourage you as your action item. When somebody asks you why to tell them anything except why, don't tell them why. They don't need to know. You don't need to justify yourself. You don't need to rationalize it.
Try that on for size. Try it out. Try not telling them why. Try telling them something else. Try telling them just because, because it makes me feel good, because I don't want to, because I don't have to, because one of the best parts of life is I get to decide because your opinion doesn't matter. Actually, that's not really any of your business. Actually, I don't really appreciate you asking me about that.
I don't really appreciate you getting into my business. Why don't you stay in your lane for once? Why don't you worry about yourself? Try those phrases on for size, and I'm not trying to be a brat, and you don't have to be a brat. You say what's comfortable for you, but what I'm encouraging you to do is stop telling them why They don't need to know. They don't need to ask. It's none of their business. You don't have to put yourself in a position where you feel bad, because if someone else, if they don't agree with you, that's their problem.
Keep it to yourself. Live for yourself. Stop talking about it. Stop justifying it. Stop rationalizing it. Live in your joy. Live with your decisions. Do things for you and make that all that matters. That's your action item for this week. I challenge you to stop answering. When somebody asks you why about something that they don't need to have an opinion about, they don't need to know.
Just keep it to yourself. Share it with yourself, do it for yourself, and do what makes you happy. As a reminder, I have a weekly giveaway for my listeners. Those that want to leave a written review of the podcast will be entered into a weekly drawing for one of my custom made manifestation journals. If you're curious about those journals, I have pictures of them on my website. Attract it with ease.com. Thank you for listening. It's been fun this week.
I hope you got something good out of it. I look forward to talking with you next week. Have a good one. Bye-bye. 